Test Test…

More thoughts…about well…thoughts.

So, I forgot to parlay this last night when I was scribbling the post down and here we go you’ve lucked out and there’s two posts in a row.

I had a great conversation with a girlfriend the other day. It was odd because I didn’t want her to think that I was being overbearing but it came down to talking about her dating life. She started telling me of how she’s given up on marriage and doing okay with being alone. I didn’t quite understand why she had dismissed meeting people online.

It’s odd, I don’t quite know how to explain it, but I have met more of my favorite people online than anywhere else. My first love, my first kiss, my first…well, just about all my firsts were with people online. It wasn’t an obsession, it was a cure for me for whatever reason. When I had first met my first love, I gotta tell you it was something that was so tender, so sweet, that I still hold guys to that truth today. It’s a gentle balance between taking care of me and allowing me to be independent.

I have been thinking an awful lot anymore about my friends online, and I got to tell you it made my day today when another came out of this internet swarm to show back up into my life. It was nice, almost wonderful.

It’s been a while since I’ve allowed myself just to be happy. Just for shits and giggles.

Perhaps I need to try this.

Good recognition, finally!

Better than Ezra, finally made it onto ABC News NOW!!!
Yay!!
ABC News Now

Angst

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written things. I figured I would throw something up tonight after giving myself a chance and just relax.

Thank goodness Bill Clinton went to North Korea, and I don’t know what he said but am glad that the two reporters have been allowed to leave N. Korea. So one of my favorite people on TV, Lisa Ling, now has her sister back so that’s cool.
I moved into my new apartment this past weekend. As nice as it is and as I’m sorting things out a bit, I’ve got to admit that I’m a bit down in the dumps that I have gotten into this great place finally and have gotten into this position all on my own…and I’m engaged. I’m supposed to be with my fiancee, enjoying this time in our lives that we’re only going to live once. I think sometimes it’s far more frustrating for me to be left here, with all the expectations on my shoulders of how to act as a fiancee, and he has nothing. I’m supposed to be losing weight, taking better care of my health, finishing (starting) my thesis project, and “following” my fiancee wherever the heck he goes after all this is done and I have my PhD.

Does anyone see something wrong with this other than me???? I mean, here’s my thing. I recognize that money isn’t a huge deal to him, and that is actually relatively cool because he wants to teach and he wants to bring his intelligence and his knowledge to others. I think that’s awesome. Meanwhile, there’s me. I feel like I want to share the knowledge too, however with that being said…when the fiancee applies for the job it’s 100 people for 1 spot, for me, it’s 350 people for like 15 spots, but I’ve got to tell you I can make like $100K more than he can over a lifetime. There’s an interesting aspect to this that he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care that we will consistently struggle for things, that my science is somehow not nearly as interesting or as thought provoking as his is.

Okay, so let’s buy into the fact that I agree with that. Which is well, a lie. He avoids this topic with a ten foot pole. But, it’s going to come up. Over and over again. So, I told him one time that if I couldn’t find a job I would need to go somewhere that I could…whether he was there or not. I just don’t understand that he can’t express the idea that for me…it’s far more impressive and important to me if he works at a 2nd tier school for me to be able to work for the FBI. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me. I think that this is the place where I need to be. Perhaps not Charm City, but definitely somewhere in this area.
So, this is the type of attitude that I get when I’m at home by myself. I wish that I could go on and talk about how I’m happy, and in a lot of ways, I really am.
Guess this is what I get for being so down in the dumps. Gotta run down the list I guess.

Tidbits and Travelings

So, I spent a week at the beach, and although my CA friends would tell different, I still think that Rehoboth Beach is up there in my top 5 great beaches of all time. It was nice, and peaceful. It was good.
So, here goes in my update:

Farrah Fawcett: Rest in Peace my dear. You were a true beauty icon. Your fluffy blond hair is still the talk of millions. I only wish you could have survived longer.

Jon and Kate Plus 8 Minus 1: OMG that’s all I have to say about this one. I’m so over it. It’s like Breaking Bonaduce. It’s a train wreck, and it’s truly disappointing to me that TLC is still marketing them like a champ. It’s frustrating and annoying and although I’m part of the problem because I am writing about this; it doesn’t dismiss the fact that I gotta feel bad for the kids.

Billy Mays: If it’s that he had a heart attack, than fine. Terrible. If it’s about him in that airflight that basically crash landed….welp; if we ever thought that the air industry needs a reload perhaps this will cause the time. It’s a hard situation but it’s one of those things that I can’t stand because it’s an overall frustrating situation.

Tony Hawk in the White House: Okay, so you’ll have to google this, but Ashton Kutcher challenged Tony Hawk to go skating down the hallways of the White House. Needless to say, no need for such a controversy. It was cool though, and I’m glad that he did do it. Google it to see the pictures. I cackled at work. Cackled.

Wedding Plans: So, I looked at three venues in Delaware. I loved the last one, but I think that it might be overly complicated. I would have to rent/lease/borrow/steal everything. A tent, tables, chairs, silverware, everything. I think we could pull it off; I just think that it might be a lot harder than expected.

Transformers 2: Don’t listen to the hype. This movie was HOOKED UP. A fantastic movie that did a silent reminder of why I liked the tv show, why I liked the action figures, why I liked the entire story. Oh, and while I’m at it…Peter Cullen you’re a voice over god. You’re not necessarily anything to look at, but you have created the voice of reason, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. For that, I thank you.

Onto Harry Potter!!!
And finally….

Michael Jackson: So, with mixed feelings I am mourning the loss of Michael Jackson. He was anorexic, on what felt like thousands of pain killers and medications and now it is coming out that he was “overly stressed”. His two kids are now without a father. Does it excuse the fact that he was accused of child molestation, giving alcohol to a minor, abduction, and conspiracy? No. It doesn’t. Perhaps it’s just the legal side of me that comes right out and thinks that although it’s just the same these days of being convicted in the public eye. He was found not guilty of all charges. I think to a certain extent I feel bad that his weird creepy lifestyle will live longer than the fact that he was a culture icon. That he sold more records than anyone…ever. It’s an icon that changed the face of Motown. Ever since I heard the news on Thursday at the beach, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t quite know what to think.

Happy Go Skateboarding Day!!!!

Just wanted to add a quick photo from last year’s Go Skateboarding Day…just to ask you a question: What are you doing inside reading this? Borrow a board, build a board, go out and have a good time. It’s your only chance to go out and do it legally.

OMG!! Rumor has it, 23rd Season in DC!

That’s right folks, for the obsessive compulsive reality show person that I am…the one that I really watch is the Real World. Welp, just in time for the beginning of the Real World Cancun the filming is starting in DC for the Real World: DC. Shocker. When the previous mayor was in town, there was no way they could get into town, but who knew that Adrian Curry would turn Dupont Circle into a debauchery.

So bring on the drama!!! Hopefully it will bring money to the badly needed District of Columbia. The next closer reality show, other than Duff of course, is Jon and Kate…and I wouldn’t call that a good one.

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate Student ~ Reasons to stay, and reasons to go…

So, the saga continues, and it looks now that my focus has to completely change. The interesting thing is that there are times that I just want to quit school. I think that’s why I started this column and called it what I did.

So, as it stands I have:
1. A method that I’ve worked on for 2+ years that doesn’t work.
2. 8,000 ideas of what to do instead of it.
3. I need to finish it so that I know that for sure it’s not going to work.
4. A fiancee that’s in Chicago that’s taking a lot of my shit. I’ll admit it, he is. But, his graduate work was a bit different than mine.

I just don’t know what to do next. I’m so angry I could just spit.

On an upswing, for those of you that remember what my family went through during the summer last year, the guy plead guilty. I hope he gets sentenced for a long long time. Check the Laurel Leader for followups. If there was anything that would make me stay and finish this out, it’s odd…it’s that entire situation.
Why do you say? I don’t know, perhaps it was the pull that the forensic work that was performed. To stay in trace evidence was something that just pulled me even more now that I’ve been personally affected by it.

Sorry it seems strange. It’s been a bad time recently.

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout ~ NOT quite down for the count…

So regardless of my lack of enjoyment anymore of school, I have now decided one thing:
This is about me.
It’s all about me and all I wanted. I have always wanted to do casework as well as making positively sure that I am on my way to working as a professor.

The fight’s not outta this girl yet. I’ve dealt with much stronger, much scarier foes than this.

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout ~ Is it time to go?

You know it’s funny with so much going on right now, it’s sometimes necessary to take a step back, get a firm kick in the rear, and move forward.

That kick came yesterday. I cried to my sister’s house to take care of her kids, took care of them, cried watching the Stanley Cup finals (because you know there was a reason for that…hehe), and cried on the way home. The hail storm got involved there, which wasn’t good.

All this crying led me to one point. One, it doesn’t matter what emotion I’m feeling, I cry. Lame I know. Two, when is it that you listen to the Gambler? What do I mean you ask? When do you know when to quit?

There’s nothing that I’ve ever encountered that I couldn’t teach myself. I am even to this day convinced that if I wanted to, I could train myself to throw a 95 mph fastball. I don’t want to do that though.

So, thank you advisor for the swift kick to the rear.

It’s made me more determined than ever.