An experience, exhaustion, and writing…in general…

You know, I’ll admit wholeheartedly that I’m a reality show junkie. But gosh, if you can think of something that is deeply influential, it’s Celebrity Rehab. Now, say what you want about Dr. Drew, but being that  I started following him staying up late in high school listening to Love Line, talking about a lot more stuff than I would have heard from middle America suburbia.  I knew that I was attracted to what would later be figured out to be the underbelly of America, and it was either going to go good or it was going to go bad. My introduction to being forced on crutches made that decision for me.

I used to write all the time. I remembered when I was in elementary school I was always told, “Create a reality, and it will become yours.” I used to spin such fiction. It was always creating a better, more interesting life for myself. I think that’s why so many people thought I was such a liar. That part of me figured that if I could write it then it was true. Guess I always figured that if I believed it, then it was true.   It created such an alternate environment for me.

I came back through different stories, walked away from people that were both good and bad from me, and then when I got through the faze, I realized something.  That somehow this is the reality that I have. It’s about school, and it’s about creating the life that I want here, regardless.  I’ll admit that I’m not the greatest friend. I have a hard time making sure that I’m keeping in touch without being stiffling.  That’s okay. I’m learning. Even now, I’m starting to figure out that I’m not old, and I’m not young. That I have an enormous amount of stuff ahead of me. That’s what this conference this week did for me. It said…you still have a lot of life ahead of you.

Don’t get me wrong, it took me almost the entire weekend to get over spending the week going back and forth to DC.  Between my crutches, my birth defect, and my thyroid problem, it was enough for anyone that couldn’t deal with.

Meanwhile, the writing. I don’t know if I will ever go back to it.  Part of it would be a great thing, part of it, I’m just happy to make sure that my thoughts get out on paper, and that’s about it.  I’m happy behind the microscope, happy behind my volumetrics and combining my knowledge of biology and chemistry to do and be what I want to become.  Maybe I will come back to it. My mother has turned back to her drawing and painting, perhaps I will turn back to my own sense of art as well. It’s hard to say.

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One Response to “An experience, exhaustion, and writing…in general…”

  1. pandemonic Says:

    You’ll go back. I know you will. I did, after many years away.

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