No honest, it’s a glandular problem…

Let me give you a bit of history…I was always that kid that everyone loved to hate. Since I started developing into a teenager, I was the girl with the big boobs and I was skinny minnie.

Who knew it was because I had hyperthyroidism? I didn’t until I was under the knife with them removing 3/4 of it.

Fast forward. It’s been about a month since my most recent thyroidectomy, and as many of you know I’m exhausted, but otherwise doing okay. So, I went to the endocrinologist yesterday and basically said,

“So why am I being forced to function on like 7 cokes a day and I’m not losing weight, but gaining instead?”

She told me something that I found so interesting I had to share.

So, if you didn’t already know this, most of your metabolism is controlled by your pituitary gland that hangs out in the brain, right behind the optic nerve. I’ll save you the gory details. It screams down to the thyroid hormone when your TSH (or thyroid stimulating hormone) is too high to produce more Free T4 and T3 which bind to iodine and regulate food content, breakdown, etc. She said that the average person (which she also expressed that I wasn’t) feels relatively “normal” and “active” with a TSH level of around or below about 10. Mine’s at 31.5.

*sigh* So, I just spent money on hormone that isn’t doing for me, and I’ve now spent more to correct the problem. LOVE IT.

But, back to my point. I’m not a girly girl, never have been. But, I have a thing for fashion, and I like to know that I look good. I don’t look good right now, I really don’t. I have been meaning to do a post-op picture just to show the dramatic difference in my neck, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m not fat. I know I’m not. This is just the heaviest that I’ve ever been. Not to mention, to have a medical professional tell you that you could work out 3 hours a day, and it would have NO effect, is so disheartening, I don’t quite know how to express my level of disappointment.

I’ve always been active. Always. Even at the lowest to where I was with my birth defect, I was always active. Now, I go home and sleep. Sleep some more. Get up, eat something, go back to sleep. I can’t handle this. I don’t want to handle this.

I have to handle this.

It makes me feel bad too. I try really hard to be nice to people, but I will admit that there were times that I would tease about how “oh the fat people must be out, there’s no handicap spaces available.” I know it’s mean, but I would never say it to anyone, I would think it. What a bad person, I know. It’s not something that I’m proud of people. Now that I’m getting heavier, I feel like all I want to do is starve myself, but I can’t do that. Got to keep eating. *sigh* I always wondered sometimes with my overweight friends when they said it was gland issue. Now, I know that it probably really was.

I’m so sad about this, it’s brought my self esteem to an all time low. Can’t quite figure out how to take myself out of it except to just keep eating right, say screw it, and keep going.

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4 Responses to “No honest, it’s a glandular problem…”

  1. geekhiker Says:

    So much to comment on here.

    First, I hope you can stop being so hard on yourself. Yeah, we’ve all thought those stupid comments in our head, it happens, and it’s no reason to be angry at yourself, you’re not a bad person, you’re normal.

    As for the looks and the weight and all that, just keep in mind that this is (from everything you’ve said here) a temporary situation. You’ll handle it, you’ll get through it, you’ll be active again. I hope (and assume) your man and your family are being supportive.

    And by all means, feel free to keep releasing your feelings on the blog, it’s healthy. Plus, the blogosphere is one big support group. 🙂

  2. thelittlefluffycat Says:

    I went to the doctor yesterday and he said, “you’re doing great, I need you to lose 15 more pounds by the next time I see you!” “when is that?” “three months!”

    I am so tired of doctors. And knowing that I have to be tied to one for the rest of my life is, not to put too fine a point on it, smelly. So I know where you’re at. But.

    Think of the alternative! Once upon a time, the stuff that happened to us, the things that were wrong with us, the only thing people could do was say, “Oh well, poor dear!” And before that, there would be speculating as to the sins of our parents.

    It’s not a lot to hang onto, but it’s something. Meanwhile, a handful of brisket with sliced strawberries, mandarin oranges, and diced cucumber, stirred in balsamic vinegarette and piled atop a salad of baby spinach. 🙂 Hang in there!

  3. The Other Ivy Says:

    Hey you,
    That sounds exhausting on many levels. It takes a lot of energy to heal…but the person above me has an important point: it is temporary.

  4. pandemonic Says:

    M… so sorry to hear about this up and down roller coaster thing that is happening to you…

    E-me!

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