A Thought for Jackie

So, I opened my big mouth of a relationship I had right before my heart surgery on Jackie’s blog and she asked about it, so here goes nothing.

I need to start this out by letting people know that this heart surgery changed my life. It happened shortly after my sister’s wedding, and it has implemented a lot of changes in my life since then. I go see a cardiologist now, I should be working out, but I definitely keep my stress to a controllable low.

Life is about living, and although I still haven’t kicked the worrying thing and I periodically make mistakes, I’m doing okay. Like, really okay. I found a great interventional radiologist, and I’m starting to reclaim my existence back. But, it’s better to look back to see what happens forward so, for Jackie, here goes nothing.

My senior year (the real one, the first one) started off great. I was the RHA President, I hadn’t dated in a while, but was doing okay with that. I had some nice girls that I was living with, and I had friends, decent friends. Then, a girl that I hung out with, let’s call her P introduced me to her upstairs neighbors; for benefits sake we’ll call them J, M, and A. J was decently attractive, but more than anything he had the personality and the smile to make a girl go wild. So, we started talking, and he was so sweet. Just nice.

As the holidays went by, we started having problems. He used to tell me that I was a liar. Okay, cool, what was I lying about? But he never used to tell me. So, cool, whatever. My life was doing okay, and things weren’t terrible, they weren’t great, but they weren’t terrible. I met his parents, his mom couldn’t stand the ground I walked on. I figured for a long time it was because I’m Catholic. Now, I just figured that maybe she kinda knew we didn’t fit.

So, second semester senior year, things went from hell and back. J’s best friend M2 ended up living next door to me, and I hung out with him, he was fun. The girls in my suite weren’t really happy with me either, god knows why. We had some problems with one roommate for a while, and the girls were so close to J, that they took his side, and not mine. It took me almost 3 years to realize that this is what mental abuse really was. I didn’t quite get what he was talking about.

A bit of explanation here: I’ve now gotten to the point that I realize that yes, I’m a liar. I think it’s a human thing. I try my best not to, but I know that I do it. I mostly do it because it’s much easier for me to just lie than to show people truly the person that I am. I’m still that 15 year old that lost so much by being put on crutches. I’ll admit that. If I had enough money in the world I’m sure a shrink would love to hear my story. For now, I’m good with Dr. Drew.

Back to the story: So, by the end of my senior year, graduation hit and I had gotten dumped. My suite hated me, I was the biggest joke to hit RHA, and other than that just ended up my criminology career with a bust. I was taking some science classes over the summer, so no harm no foul.

Meanwhile, J decided that when I was down there during the summer, it was totally cool to screw with my head. So, he did. I was taking organic chemistry, and I was fully believing that he was still into me and we were going to get back together. How truly wrong I was. We got really close to sleeping together, and for a reason that I won’t write here, it never quite “worked” out let’s put it that way. I’m sure I was just no longer attractive to him, and I was so lost in him, I didn’t quite see the forest in the trees.

I started getting sick soon after my sister’s wedding. I was way out of it though. J and I finally had it out when I realized that he was just interested in getting some and not necessarily a relationship. I would find out later that he cheated on me with my friend that I mentioned earlier. I now know I had pnemonia close to two weeks before I stopped long enough to go home…even then was only because my dad came down and wouldn’t leave until I got into the car with him. I went to the hospital, and stayed over night. The nurse anticipated me going home the next day, but if she hadn’t ordered an EKG I probably would have died that night.

I was in the ICU, and who calls but J. I had no clue what happened, I just remembered that I said dammit, but that’s about it.

Check back to about three years. Yes, it took me three years to get past everything. Celibate for that long too. I started dating a guy that I inevitably realized was a humungo loser. Saw J at the movie theater, cute chick he was with too. I inevitably like tucked my head into the then bf at the time, and made for the hills.

I’ve dated the same guy through graduate school and will admit that I hope I don’t have to date anymore. I’m happy with him.

There ya go love. That’s what you guys get tonight.


2 Responses to “A Thought for Jackie”

  1. Jackie Says:

    Yeeeeeeeeeeesh! Is there a blog post or something else that tells me about your heart issues? I’ve seen you refer to them, but I don’t know anything other than you have heart issues and resulting surgeries.

    And crutches. What’s them for?

    Sorry. I’m being all pry-y.

    That guy was a Grade A dick. I’m consistently amazed at how we (women) lose perspective when we’re all gobsmacked with lust and infatuation.

  2. geekhiker Says:

    So, now that you’ve admitted that you lie, should I read your e-mails and comments with a grain of salt now?

    I hope you don’t have to date any more either. Heck, I’m kinda done with it myself.

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