How I’m slowly but surely losing my faith in humanity. So, just to catch people up:
I’m officially done the “testing” part of my “testing” in my dissertation. But, there’s a catch. My advisor decided that he didn’t want to “retest” me, and decided instead to use my research proposal as my “test”. This has put entirely way too much weight on this proposal and I’m basically getting and shelling out nothing but grief. I’ve got to hand it to myself, I’m freaking out over this way more than the concept of just taking an oral exam.
I recognize as an adult I can totally walk away from this and be totally fine, but given the fact that I’ve chased this forensic science dream for so long, and for so hard, the idea of walking away from it at square zero and starting all over again…well, it’s annoying as crap.
I also wonder how my other students get by with all the crap. I’ve got to tell ya, I don’t teach, have been lucky to be on a research assistantship the entire time, and although I have had huge issues with money, and at this point spend way too much on commas…well, I have colleagues in the department that I work in and they teach, have research issues just like I do, have personal issues and other things just like I do, and they’re fine. They also have not one, not two, but three oral exams all at once. I think if they knew it was coming, it wouldn’t be so bad.
It’s hard to say. All I know is that I’m now at the point that not only do I have a short temper, but I’m also starting to figure a couple things out. I’m now at the point that I feel like I’ve been there too long, and I’m overly aggressive towards my work. I’m glad that people are graduating around me, as they are getting their own stuff done…but I would really like to be amongst them, whether they are ahead of the average or not.
I feel like to a certain extent, when I get to the point where I truly hate it…like passionately hate it, I’ll go. Regardless of my bf being in the midwest, for us struggling through a long distance relationship.
It’s odd…for once. In almost 33 years….it’s about me.