Something’s going to happen ~ Chances are 50/50 they’re going to be pretty good…

“and I’m willing to take that risk.”

I’ve got to tell you, for someone that has been dealing with a disorder for longer than the other part of her life, I saw Michael J Fox on Actor’s Studio tonight.

He brought me to tears. He deals with the pain with a seemingly relative ease. States that it’s terribly painful, but moves on. Moves up, gets past it. There is something so wildly refreshing from that. I have always felt to a certain extent that when people would tell me, “Oh you’re so strong.” I would like laugh it off. I guess now I need to start saying thank you. It was one of those things that you just do.
What are you going to do?
With any disorder that you have to deal with, it’s one of those things…it’s hard to say…harder even to explain.
No one tells you “Oh you’re going to die.” No one tells you how or what to do next. You go to school, and people try and extract you out and holler at you, and all you can do..honestly, is just go on. Fight.Fight really really hard. Everything becomes very aggressive and it becomes a “Screw you” or get screwed type of persona. I think to a certain extent that’s why I become so aggressive towards things.

I am firmly convinced that is why I’m with my bf to this day. I was aggressive towards how I felt for him for one reason and one reason only.

I knew in my heart that if I didn’t tell him how I felt I would never forgive myself. I would eternally hurt in my heart if I didn’t let him know that my heart yearned for him.

It’ll be 5 years on Saturday.

My heart still hurts every time he parts from my company.

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2 Responses to “Something’s going to happen ~ Chances are 50/50 they’re going to be pretty good…”

  1. geekhiker Says:

    That’s a good thing. If your heart didn’t hurt every time, it wouldn’t be real.

    Is it bad that I’m happy for you and jealous of you simultaneously?

  2. cripkitty Says:

    No, it’s not bad at all. I didn’t write this to make you feel bad just saying is all. I’ve been reading your stuff, but you’ve passworded stuff! 😛 I’m still reading though. 🙂

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