For GH, an introspection on men and women and how we act together…

So, the other day, GH who writes a fabu blog over on the west side of the country was scribbling about his birthday, getting older, you know how it goes.

And I think that my exact comment was, “Women can’t handle you.”
Of course, he didn’t quite know what I meant, so I figured that I would scribble this down in the hopes of making myself more understood. Given that there are probably more than 3,000 miles between us this internet friendship needs to be fostered based on words…so hopefully I get this right.

What I meant by that statement was largely two fold.
1. I was told for years two things, a. That men find a smart women overwhelmingly intimidating. Same thing for if we know our sports. It’s like a guy thing. It’s hard to know what to say when a woman comes up to a man apparently, and knows more than them. But, in my defense, Mystery, the Pickup Artist extraordinaire stated that this only makes the male pick up artist’s work that much easier. Guess the rationale being that if I do the work for the guy, he can just sit back and relax. With that being said, I think sometimes when you’re just a bit too much for a woman, too smart, too straightforward, too aggressive, it does scare people away. My perspective of my buddy on the Westside is that he’s a rather introspective guy, deep in his own thoughts, and it often takes a lot for a woman, man, whomever to get to know him on a level worthwhile to investigating a relationship.

2. Sometimes when initially meeting either a woman or a man, initial impressions hold true throughout. It’s an odd situation, but let’s be honest…a good majority of the impression that you make on someone is based on the first 30 seconds that you see them. It’s an odd component. Take the other night. I went down to Little Havana with some girlfriends, the only and I mean the ONLY impression that I made on this fairly attractive man was based on the fact that I smiled at him when he walked in the door. He knew I was watching him all night, he was paying attention. I think however, this area is distinct. We have had a couple surveys done (both in Cosmo and Maxim) saying that the Baltimore/Washington D.C. area is the best area in the country to be single. The worst? You guessed it…LA. The reasons? I guess from what I’ve read, people in LA are very into how they look, how things look to other people.

My point? It’s can’t be the easiest place to live when you’re single. The more I spend watching people and chitchatting with both men and women the more I’m convinced that I should have gone into psychology. Ah well. I’d be interested to see what GH has to say about this. My entire point a lot of times, including the post-doc I met the other night who was, albeit with a beard, mildly attractive, I gotta tell you if you’re the person that you are regardless it will bode better for you than if you try and be the person that you envision the other wants. This I can actually speak from experience. I’m no Christy Brinkley, or even Zoe Deschanel, and have always had a chip on my shoulder for a health problem that I could never quite control. However, I’ve been doing okay in the dating scene, that now I’m engaged and happy as a clam.

How did that happen? I figured out one thing. I can’t fake it. I can’t make it up that I’m the person that particular man wants. I’m only the person that I am, I can’t change who I am, despite how hard I try.

That’s about it. By the way, I’m bad about editing, so sorry.

Advertisements

Tags: , , , ,

3 Responses to “For GH, an introspection on men and women and how we act together…”

  1. geekhiker Says:

    So I’ve been thinking about this one for the last couple of days, trying to wrap my head around it. I suppose I still find myself a bit confused.

    On the one hand, you say that perhaps I’m just too damn deep for anyone to want to get to know me on a deeper level. On the other hand, you make a strong case for being myself. The thing is, I’m not nearly so deep in real life as I may seem in my writing. After all, writing is something I have the chance to edit. To pore over, check the spelling and the grammar, and write posts over the course of a few days, adding ideas to it. IRL, talking with someone I’ve just met, not so much the case. Instead I can be shy. And state weird trivia and bad jokes. And probably laugh too much out of nervousness.

    As for LA, you’re not the first to make that argument. But LA is a town of eight million people, and it’s not as though people haven’t met here. I mean, just go over and read Mel Heth’s blog. She calls her boyfriend Mr. Wonderful for goodness sake. I suppose that I’d need to see the studies by Maxim and Cosmo, to know who they were asking and how big there sample was, to understand how they came to that conclusion.

    I guess the thing is this: you’re not the first person to suggest that I leave. But I can’t get past the question in my mind: WHY is it that I have to leave to find anyone? Why is it that the only way for me, for what special reason is it, that I’m supposed to quit my job, unroot myself, and move to a completely separate city?

    Discuss. 🙂

  2. cripkitty Says:

    I’m flattered at such a heartfelt response. Here’s the thing…and this is an initial gut reaction so take it for what it is.

    I don’t remember who said it but I remember it being said that writing is an inlet into the writer’s soul. With that being said, I am prone to think that at least for me…my writing…is a true inlet into the person that I am. Perhaps I’m wrong for projecting that into the other people that I read on a very frequent basis. I write the way I do because in my own writing, it’s the person I want to be. The person that in my mind I can be. Even though I haven’t skated, surfed, or snowboarded.

    There’s a little over 700,000 in Baltimore. If you add DC into the mix, we barely break 1.2 million. I go to Chicago on a fairly consistent basis, and it’s intimidating and scary, and they’ve only cracked 2.4 million. My point with throwing all these numbers up here is to say this.

    There’s no reason for you to leave unless you want to. You give every impression you’re not happy in LA, so why not move? If you loved your job, loved the town, you might be more comfortable. You don’t. Well, let’s put it this way, you give the impression you don’t. Why not leave? Why not go? What’s holding you in LA? The weather? The women? Or a job that you’re at least comfortable in that wouldn’t be so bad keeping?

    Realize that I’m just working off impressions, life on the internet is a crazy one. Life on the flip side is often even crazier. Who knew I was going to meet a nuclear physicist? I certainly never anticipated a ring at 32 and getting married by 33. I hear ya, I really do, but let it be said there’s not much but love that would make me leave Balt/DC. Us Marylanders aren’t prone to go far, and if we do…we often come back.

    So, come back GH, lemme know what you think.

  3. geekhiker Says:

    Sorry for the late response. 🙂

    I don’t deny that writing may indeed be an inlet into a person. Indeed, my writing may be such. Even assuming that, though, anyone I meet in real life isn’t going to have read my writing beforehand, and that’s the point I was trying to make above. Anyone I meet is going to experience me only as I can express myself in-the-moment, not with the insight into my thoughts that you and other readers of my writing might have. So, while I might seem confident and well-spoken here on-line, I can’t say that I am as much so when meeting me in person.

    Which might explain why, of the few readers I have met, only one has actually became a friend, whereas the others have vanished into the ether. Perhaps I simply didn’t live up to expectations.

    I don’t know that it’s a matter of whether or not I want to leave LA. There are good and bad things about living in Los Angeles; then again, there are good and bad things about any major city. Perhaps it’s simply that, so far, I haven’t been able to figure out anyplace that might be better. And the cost of moving is a bit to cost-prohibitive for me to try multiple cities.

    I think your last paragraph touches on something I was chatting with someone else about the other day: if you find the right person, the location becomes less of a factor. You say it yourself: love makes you okay with leaving. As long as you have each other, does it matter as much where you are?

    I am curious, though: why point out the ages that you were engaged and you will be married at? After all, I am older, maybe it’s too late for me? LOL

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: