Archive for the ‘loss’ Category

Bueller? Bueller? Rest In Peace John Hughes

August 7, 2009

After reading We’ll Know When We Get There this morning my heart and eyeballs filled with tears again with the loss of John Hughes yesterday.

Now, I know that my blog isn’t followed extensively, part of which I’m fairly grateful for. No one understands sometimes that a part of the reason why science is so exciting is that it’s such a good thing to hide behind. The knowledge of chemistry, physics, and biology is something that such a select few have that it’s one of those things that if you don’t want to tell people something…just tell them what you do.

The movies that John Hughes made are the type that you will sit and watch whether it’s 3am or 11 in the morning. Some Kind of Wonderful, Pretty in Pink, Ferris Bueller, Weird Science, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Mr. Mom, She’s Having a Baby, I could go on and on. Those places, the feelings, the actions, it made you almost want to move to Chicago because at least it wouldn’t suck as bad as your home life did. He was the first of a long line of writers and producers that instead of curtailing the line between adults and teens and instead…merging it.

They keep saying in the news reports that he spoke for the “generation of teen angst” in a way that no one else ever did. I have always considered that I act younger than I am. I’ll admit that, it’s a factor of me being in school in my early 30’s, being sick so often throughout my childhood and teen years, and being sick again in college. However, with that being said, it’s interesting how so often my counterparts often miss the true meaning of what it was like to grow up in the late 80s and early 90s. They don’t know what it was like watching Voltron till you were in your teens and having it adulterated into the craptastic Power Rangers. Not even my fiancee who is 4 years my junior quite gets it.

My heart sunk and ached and still does for the loss of a brilliant writer, director, actor and producer. More than it ever did for Paul Newman, because it wasn’t like he was so detached. You felt like you were a part of John Hughes life. His family, his ideas, his home.

He will be terribly missed, by the people that knew him, loved him, and cherished his work.

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The Art of the LDR~ Hitting a Bad Patch

February 28, 2009

You know it’s interesting, I’m close to being in this relationship for a very long time now. It’s interesting now that we’re doing this long distance. The small things are getting to be very big. I don’t quite know if I’m really overreacting. That’s the thing.

See, here is the thing. I think to a certain extent, this is just truly the difference between men and women. Men will say one thing like, “Well my parents are going to be more important that weekend.”

What the woman hears, “You’re not important.”
I think there’s just a natural difference between men and women. It’s also that to a certain extent, women are bred to kind of do more than men in relationships. That men have themselves convinced that they don’t have to change and that they don’t have to modify how their daily lives are going at all except to add the woman into the equation.

We just don’t think like that as women. Modification to make the relationship work is what they tell you in those small conversations you’re supposed to have with the people in your life that “know”. That somehow men don’t get this conversation. They get, “Women are supposed to honor and obey.” It doesn’t make sense to me. So, now I’m struggling with this relationship due to the sheer unadulterated fact that I don’t see him as often as I would like to.

I did the right thing.
You know what happened?
Nothing.
Yes, that’s right nothing. Nothing changed.
We tried to get stuff to change, but still nothing has changed and I have a feeling that what I need to do is change it for myself and quit depending on him. Quit wondering if he will decide to take some initiative. He told me the other day that I shouldn’t be scared of losing him.

I didn’t have the heart to say that he should probably start worrying about losing me.

An Independent’s Perspective: NIU Tragedy, Pharmaceuticals, Gun Control, and College Campuses

February 18, 2008

It’s a rare occassion that I get aggravated here online.  I recognize that this is a where even the most radical evangelical, or someone else can blather there thoughts and feelings out.  With the new comment regulations, they can even approve or disapprove of what you say. So, in that spirit, I must say that I was terribly troubled and aggravated at an article that I saw today I wish that I was good on the links, but I’m really not, so I apologize for that.  If you want to privately message me for the link, I’d be happy to push it your way.

The tragedy last year at Virginia Tech hit very close to home for me. It was somewhere that I had friends, friends had friends, it was a campus that I held close to my heart.  When the story came out that Cho Seung-Hui went through  Norris, I was terrified for my friends that decided to head to Blacksburg for grad school instead of staying close to home as I did.  Phone calls to brothers in my fraternity, posts here on Gather, rallying to make sure everyone was okay, it was almost the force that came together after Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t been down to Blacksburg since the shooting, I’m not scared, just no reason anymore, people have graduated, moved on.

The news of the Northern Illinois University shooting startled and saddened me. From what I’ve read, Dekalb is a lot like Blacksburg, a small town, nestled about an hour west of Chicago.  It’s got an airport, the university…and not much else.  I’m an outsider looking in on this one, I’m not a professor, I don’t know if Steven Kazmierczak knew what he was doing or not. He was a sociology graduate student, graduated in 07.

CNN reported that he had halted medication, that he had been treated for years for mental illness from depression to possible schizophrenia.   This is where my frustration comes in. Saw an article, because the author’s expertise as a criminal psychology degree holder, gives her the right to allow for the fact that it’s the pharmaceutical industry that is breeding these killers.

Come on people.  Let’s start thinking and believing beyond what we see on the internet and the television.  It’s like the other day, I saw a girlfriend of mine from college, and we were talking of a friend I lost due to schizophrenia and she goes,
“Oh Charlie’s not sick, he’s just schizophrenic.”

Doesn’t that just sound ridiculous?

Here’s how I see it. You want to know? Let’s share. Are children overdiagnosed medication? Yup. Are you dumb enough to listen to the doctor and give the medication to your kid? Yup.  People are too scared to realize that they are the makers of their own destiny. Somewhere it’s lost between child and adulthood that we are the ones that are in control. Just because someone has a PhD or an MD behind their name, doesn’t make them god. It’s your RIGHT to get a second, third, 100th opinion if you need to.  It’s merely a RECOMMENDATION, it’s not an order. Steven DID know what he was doing when he was going off his medication. He was seriously disturbed, and should NEVER have been allowed to purchase a firearm. EVER. He should not have been allowed access to it, neither should Cho have been allowed access to a firearm, and that dealer in Roanoke has 33 deaths on his hands due to that mistake that made him after taxes, probably 50 bucks.

If you BELIEVE in your heart the pharmaceutical industry to be bad, I hope that you’re not taking an aspirin for your heart problems, an advil for that pain in your shoulder.  Those who throw stones and all.  These men that performed these heinous crimes before turning their weapons onto themselves were mentally ill.  The mistake that was made was within the campus community, within the arms dealers, it’s a case of falling through the cracks.

It’s up to this nation’s campus communities to tighten those cracks. There is an enormous amount of this nation’s youth in colleges, and on campuses from Guam to Puerto Rico and all points between. The nation is depending on US to be the future, and the safety is becoming more and more of a question. I saw myself in that lecture hall. I wasn’t going to join the plethora of stuff that tends to get written after a tragedy like this, but the article that I saw today made me crazy. It’s about making sure that mental health gets treated PROPERLY. That medication is followed up on. That pharmacists have the rights to follow up on patients that need medication to keep them mentally stable.  It’s a chemical imbalance after all, in a lot of cases. Perhaps I’m wrong, I will defer to the Harvard doctors on that one. Perhaps they can recommend something.

So, author, with your criminal psych degree. I’ll join you with my criminology and criminal justice degree, my molecular biology degree, and my masters in forensic toxicology.  Can you solve the problem??? Nope. Are your opinions worthwhile? Sure. But, don’t regard yourself as an expert when you obviously aren’t.

Shielding a Daughter, and a Cause of Death

February 7, 2008

As aggravated as I was after the death of Heath Ledger, I must admit that there was an interesting situation with his tox report. Yes, doctors from the New York Medical Examiners office came out yesterday and said that Heath passed away from an acute overdose of oxycodone (oxycontin), hydrocodone (percocet), diazepam (valium), temazepam (anti-anxiety), and alprazolam (xanax), and doxylamine. Essentially let’s spell this out for you guys that might not understand the pharmaceutical jargon.

He was found face down on his bed. He took enough medication that his brain didn’t tell his lungs to take in air. Along with that, there was also the fact that the friction between him and his pillow, he was done for. The doctors that gave him those medications, should be ashamed of themselves. It wasn’t about drug abuse folks. It was that he was sick, had a respiratory infection, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t relax, and was in an enormous amount of pain. I guess relaxation after making it as big as he was, didn’t really come into play. Who knows, what do I know. Maybe it was an addiction that he was battling, but I find that hard to believe. Apparently, Michelle Williams (of Dawson’s Creek fame) has told their daughter that Daddy went away.

My heart hurts for her. My heart hurts for the knowledge that little girl won’t have a father due to the ignorance of doctors that won’t pay enough attention to know not to diagnose all of those drugs together. *ugh* We don’t know. As patients we have blind allegiance to making sure that we take what the doctor says and do it at a certain time to make sure that we know. ALWAYS ASK IF DRUGS SHOULD BE COMBINED!!!!! The DEA is investigating the death. Apparently it’s fairly routine.  I’ll be interested in finding out what they find.

It’s sad.