Archive for the ‘NaBloPoMo’ Category

The Holiday Weekend Revisited ~ The Art of the LDR Continued

December 1, 2008

As my exhaustive weekend in points west finished up, I must admit that certain realizations allowed me to continue on with my thoughts about how long distance relationships need so much work.

I spent the last couple days with the bf’s family. Who I’m rather used to. Although his father and sister have a tendency just not to think…they sometimes say rather mean things. Meanwhile, it wasn’t so bad. I thought it was weird that his sister didn’t stay at home with her parents but I started wondering if it was because of her dog. Their parents aren’t too keen on animals, so they said that they wouldn’t allow her to have the dog at their house.

Go figure hm?

I find myself getting sad and depressing when I came home. It’s depressing to come back to a place where he’s not at. It was hard this weekend, because I felt the need to share him. It’s hard for me being so far away from him to have to share him. We couldn’t be intimate at all, because we felt like we couldn’t avoid his family. His father says the same thing over and over, and it’s hard because they felt like it was really awkward with me there.

I hate that. I tried really hard when this relationship went long distance to not change the relationship. I didn’t change how I felt about him, he didn’t about me, and it was that we talked everyday, and we talked more and more about what we were going to do with our future, and not necessarily about our families.

Speaking of which, I worry that my family didn’t have a great respective thanksgiving. My aunt, one of the most special people in my life has had a bad diagnosis, so I worry how she’s dealing with that. My bil just recently lost his sister in a violent manner, I worry that his family made this holiday less than festive. My sis has never been all that vocal in how his family treats her, but I know that it’s not as great as it should be. I guess that’s how in-laws are though.

So, the bf family is still awkward, but we did okay and we saw both Twilight and Quantum of Solace. There’s a whole other plot line, but I must admit that the thought of the Bond series ending did come to my mind. It was so good to see my bf. It was nice after 3 weeks, that we’re now feeling like we’re almost going to be seeing each other too much, I’ll be back there in 2 weeks, and then he’ll be back here for 2 weeks for Christmas.

This time of year is so boisterous and scary and busy. I hope everyone else is just as busy as me!


The Art of the LDR

November 26, 2008

Yes folks, the art of the long distance relationship is a difficult one. You end up getting frustrated with yourself, your partner, with everything else.

It’s been about 4 months out of 24, at the least. He deals with things in his typical way, he ignores it till it arrives. Money situations of course rise, and he doesn’t understand that I still find this to be a partnership. I would hope to a certain extent that he thinks the same thing.

So, I decided that I would throw a list together of my complications that I’ve run into, with the thought that if the few readers that I have would read would figure it out.

1. Remember that nothing has changed, despite what you think even though you aren’t there. Your instincts are typically always right.
2. Communication is key. Because you don’t have the benefit of the body language to work off of, it’s hard to be able to distinguish what he’s feeling or thinking. Talk, even if he won’t. Just keep talking. At some point the threshold gets hit, and he will start talking. It has been a lot of “what do you think dear?” That has helped us.
3. Your everyday is no longer exciting. Yes, that’s right. Although your sig other wants to hear about your life, you have got to admit that the everyday isn’t as thrilling as it used to be.
4. Work has and always will be work. People deal with things differently, and more often than not men don’t really care that your boss offended you yesterday. Women tend to be far more emotional and thereby the day to day is a bit more for lack of a better way of putting it dramatic.
5. Concern becomes very real. Especially for men that are often not quick to talk, if concern shows up, take it for what it is.

That’s my top 5 ladies and gents. I will continue the list in future posts, got any ideas for me?

For Typ0…filler as you would say.

November 25, 2008

My apologizes for not posting last night. This talk has got me frazzled. I have been studying and working and now all I want to do is sleep. But alas, work isn’t done for the weary. I have a real post planned for this evening, so stay tuned, but till then…typ0 gave me a meme, so here goes. Go check out her blog, she’s on my blogroll!!

1. Where is your cell phone? jacket

2. Where is your significant other? Chicago. 😦

3. Your hair color? Brown

4. Your mother? hopefully sleeping

5. Your father? Hunting

6. Your favorite thing? You mean other than sleep?

7. Your dream last night? Don’t dream

8. Your dream/goal? Forensic Science

9. The room you’re in? Lab

10. Your hobby? the internet

11. Your fear? too many to count

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? with my bf

13. Where were you last night? in my room studying and not feeling well

14. What you’re not? anywhere close to being finished with this doctorate

15. One of your wish-list items? new cargos

16. Where you grew up? Maryland!

17. The last thing you did? drive to school

18. What are you wearing? Naval academy sweats

19. Your TV? Sony I think…

20. Your pet? my bf 🙂

21. Your computer? I wish I had a mac! Gateway

22. Your mood? Sleepy

23. Missing someone? Always

24. Your car? Cavalier, my babe 🙂

25. Something you’re not wearing? makeup

26. Favorite store? PacSun

27. Your summer? Busy

28. Love someone? Yes

29. Your favorite color? Pink

30. When is the last time you laughed? Yesterday

31. Last time you cried? this weekend

To the elusive tag…here goes nothing:
Gotta go with Kara from You Can’t Reason With Crazy because she’s my sis, and that’s how it goes…

Definitely hittin’ up my Hair Metal Queen at Hair Metal Queen.

Perhaps Pandemonic, who probably thinks I’ve forgotten about her, even though I haven’t…Pandemonic’s Time and Space.

Of course, J over at Are you there Blog? It’s Me Margaret, not I’m lying, it’s Jackie is just beggin’ for filler I just know it.

Last but not least, perhaps Geekhiker over at The (Single) Geekhiker will appease a young woman that didn’t mean to offend him and is afraid she did.

That’s all folks, till later.

All Things Twilight

November 23, 2008
Photo curious of

Photo curious of

Okay, it’s got to be said.

I adored this movie.

In an effort to not give anything away, I have got to go through the talk I had with my sister, who although only 2 years older than I…hated the movie. I think to a certain extent you must realize the difference between her and I.

1. She’s got kids. I don’t.
2. She’s a mom, (see number 1) and thereby sees things differently.
3. She’s EXTREMELY practical.
4. Me being the more enthusiastic very dramatic one, took to this completely.

A couple critiques.
1. My sis was right in a sense that the makeup, especially on the older Cullens (Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme) was overdone to say the least. It needed to be toned down. Elizabeth Reaser was a horrific choice to play Esme. Her hair looked fake, her makeup made her face look fake, it was annoying.
2. I was a bit taken aback when I found out that they were going to cast Peter Facinelli (of Fastlane fame) was cast as Carlisle. He didn’t seem old enough, so they either hired actors to play the younger ones that were way too old, or he was just a smidge too young.
3. Victoria sucked. The woman that played her sucked. They BUTCHERED this character in the screenplay, and shame on Melissa Rosenberg for doing it. Now, what the worst part of it is that she’s likely to win some random award for it.
4. You know they have marketed this as the next Harry Potter series, given the clothing, bedding, art, and everything else that has been marketed. Twilight Saga has done their best for that, of which to a certain extent I am grateful. However, given that, it’s one of those things that I start to think ahead and go….New Moon will NOT make as much money. No one liked the book, why even bother?

On a side note a couple good things:
1. Robert Pattinson (of Harry Potter fame) was an extremely good pick for Edward, although I wasn’t too keep on Kristen Stewart (she was in Jumper) as Bella. She kind of made me ill. Billy Burke played a great role as Charlie, Bella’s father, and Taylor Lautner looks to have a good reprise as Jacob Black if New Moon does get released. Here’s the thing though, I think Kristen Stewart is probably the one actress in the entire movie who I don’t believe will be able to find a job after these movies. On the crest of her 18th birthday, not unlike Daniel Radcliffe, she may have stopped before she even began.

2. This movie did stay true to the story. It was the Mormon appearance of love, passion, and romance. That it’s not about dating but it’s immediately I love you, I trust you completely, I will die for you. I hate to disappoint those tweens that might stumble onto this…but that ain’t how life is.

All in all, I was extremely happy to see the movie, will go and see it next weekend with the bf. I’m excited for the bf visit and thanksgiving, I just wish that I didn’t have so much work ahead of me!!!

Angry, Aggravated, and Annoyed

November 19, 2008

The three A’s.

Good things:
I spent time with the nephews tonight.
Crazy maniacs.
I feel for the eldest, because he’s having problems with a little boy at school.
Kids can just be mean sometimes.
The boys were pouty, and argumentative, but otherwise…


Bad things:
I’m overwhelmed.
Angry at the bf.
I’m going to bed, with the hopes that I will end up in the lab at 7am.

Sorry for not much of a post tonight. I’m tired, don’t know what else to say.

Missin’ my boys…

November 18, 2008

You know, when I found myself in a situation where my bf is now in the midwest, it has left me without my boys, without my boy, and now without a true sense of self.

It’s interesting. It’s been 16 years since I’ve been on crutches. It’s been frustrating that I can’t do an enormous amount by myself, but I have tried since day one to be fairly independent. But, I must admit in my continuous dealings with men, I’ve been trying my best to make sure that I figure out a few things. For years and years, I realized that the men in my life that would come and go…

…it was because of my birth defect and me being on crutches. I was CONVINCED. My first LDR (long distance relationship) and yes I know he reads this, I was CONVINCED it was me, my crutches, and the fact that I was younger than him that did me in. I now realize that wasn’t the truth, but for the life of me after not talking to him for over 11 years, I don’t quite know where to start.

Then, sigh…. I knew the guy that I fell for from TX it was definitely the crutches. Find out later, and I quote, I didn’t “put out”. Ah, men, you make me crazy. It’s an interesting situation though. I have been watching the The Pickup Artist. Now, I must admit that Mystery is a real hottie….but I watch it more for the social dynamic experiment that it really is. I went to a Halloween party this year, the first one without the bf, and low and behold, I totally got hit on! Way fun if you ask me, but it was more that I was talking to a woman that I hung out with she said to me, “You know it’s funny, I’ve been with Ryan so long, that the whole dating thing I’m just lost.” I got to say…after watching Mystery and his wings…

It made sense. Like a lot of sense. You stick with your friends.
It’s about confidence.
Self worth.
Having worth in other people.

I was kind of impressed. It made me miss the boys I used to hang with in college. Not that they were wonderful, I mean we fell out of contact…but Steve, Hinson, they were good people. It made me feel like I was a good person. And, you know it’s odd. I am around men in my life a lot. It hasn’t been the same though. The comfort is lost. It’s not about quick flirting and friendliness. The joking, the teasing, it’s somehow gone just like my 20s are gone.

I can’t say I want to deal with the trauma that I often caused myself in that time, and I do try my best to be as independent and confident as I can, but when you run into not being confident, you want your boys with you to be there for you to tell you that you’re a dumbass. It makes me sad.

It’s odd too. Work’s good, families good, I just wish I was good.

All Things Twilight

November 15, 2008

Yes folks, I know that everyone is talking the talk of the Quantum of Solace this weekend. And, as much as I want to go and see the movie, I must admit that I’m more interested in Twilight next weekend.

Yes, Twilight, the story of Bella and Edward and Jacob. I had a friend refer to it as “crack on paper” the other day. So true. It chronologically goes through the story of Bella and Edward, true love, and the adventures of vampires living in Forks, WA which isn’t far from Seattle.

This is truly a story of romance and true love. It’s that chick lit stuff that men hate. I CAN’T WAIT. I’m a huge loser, I’ll admit it. If you haven’t read these books from Stephanie Meyer, read them. SO worth it, and it’s the one section of books that has a waiting list at the Enoch Pratt Main branch. I love books that make you slip into a world that you can only dream of. A world you can’t imagine, makes me slip into something I enjoy.

My friend Kris had this great entry about the 10 books that impacted her life the most. I’ve got to tell you that I could never do that. There’s just too many. It would take a second to really sit down and think about it, and given the fact that I’m often so messed up with school, work, and my family, it’s hard for me to think that it would just be 10.

So, that’s it for today. Go see Twilight. The lead, Edward, played Cedric Diggory in Goblet of Fire. *sigh* I’m so excited.

A Post that wasn’t meant to be…

November 15, 2008

So, I initially was going to write about my current ongoing obsession of the Twilight movie that’s coming out, but today was a bit of a shock to me. I initially was going to write how crazy people can be.

One of my girls got hit by a car today. Thankfully, she’s fine, but I’m sure it scared her shitless. Scared me! I felt bad that she was by herself. That’s all. She went to the hospital, and the shoutout went out that something happened, I think it scared us all a little bit. But, it made me happy that she was okay, and is now resting comfortably. As shaken I was by the incident that might not have been, I must admit when I ordered take out from a great place that is here in Baltimore, they didn’t give me a total over the phone. So, I figured that $20 would be worth it. Well, it was $20.75, and the guy was so nice he said, “Don’t worry about it.” Didn’t take a tip or anything.

I felt terrible and wildly proud of my city and the area I’m from more than anything.

So, thank goodness M I’m glad you’re okay. What a day!

3 X Thursday

November 13, 2008

Special thanks to Missy because I had no idea what to write today!!

1. Are your parents still alive? If so, do you get along with them?
Yup, thankfully.
Yea, most of the time, I really do.

2. Do your parents live close? Why/why not?
Yup. I’ve always been a big chicken when this comes up. I’m big on having my parents around. I was pretty protected when I was a kid (for obvious health reasons) and because of that, I’ve never stirred too far. I think I’ll go if bf ever figures out what he’s doing and whether or not I’m a part of it.

3. Name one thing valuable that your parents taught you. Why did you choose this?
Remarkably, that it’s okay to be different. I was difficult to be around when I was in high school. That part of my life changed me forever. I still think to a certain extent me getting on crutches when I was 15 has made me the person I am today….good or bad. But, my parents have always taken the stance that it’s not a bad thing. So, cool. You’re cool with it, so am I.

It Never Gets Easier…

November 10, 2008

After a wonderful weekend, I’ve dropped the bf off at the airport…and I’m left with a new feeling of sadness. It just doesn’t get easier, I don’t quite understand why I would ever think that it would. It’s been rough. I get to the point that I know that I’m working, and I know that I’m busy, but it’s just not the same.

I know he’s gone. I know for whatever reason, whatever god you decide to worship has decided to throw him into the midwest, and leave me here. It makes me think of that new song “Come on Get Higher” it just makes me sad, I get sad, and then I cry, and then I cry some more, than I wake up like it’s all over. I act like for some reason it’s okay. It’s not.

This isn’t any easier than it was when he moved in August. I mean, it’s November. It’s been 3 months out of 24. At the least. That somehow it’s something that I’m supposed to be okay about.