Posts Tagged ‘forensic science’

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout: I at this point wonder…

April 29, 2009

How I’m slowly but surely losing my faith in humanity. So, just to catch people up:

I’m officially done the “testing” part of my “testing” in my dissertation. But, there’s a catch. My advisor decided that he didn’t want to “retest” me, and decided instead to use my research proposal as my “test”. This has put entirely way too much weight on this proposal and I’m basically getting and shelling out nothing but grief. I’ve got to hand it to myself, I’m freaking out over this way more than the concept of just taking an oral exam.

I recognize as an adult I can totally walk away from this and be totally fine, but given the fact that I’ve chased this forensic science dream for so long, and for so hard, the idea of walking away from it at square zero and starting all over again…well, it’s annoying as crap.

I also wonder how my other students get by with all the crap. I’ve got to tell ya, I don’t teach, have been lucky to be on a research assistantship the entire time, and although I have had huge issues with money, and at this point spend way too much on commas…well, I have colleagues in the department that I work in and they teach, have research issues just like I do, have personal issues and other things just like I do, and they’re fine. They also have not one, not two, but three oral exams all at once. I think if they knew it was coming, it wouldn’t be so bad.

It’s hard to say. All I know is that I’m now at the point that not only do I have a short temper, but I’m also starting to figure a couple things out. I’m now at the point that I feel like I’ve been there too long, and I’m overly aggressive towards my work. I’m glad that people are graduating around me, as they are getting their own stuff done…but I would really like to be amongst them, whether they are ahead of the average or not.
I feel like to a certain extent, when I get to the point where I truly hate it…like passionately hate it, I’ll go. Regardless of my bf being in the midwest, for us struggling through a long distance relationship.

It’s odd…for once. In almost 33 years….it’s about me.

Odd hmm??

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A conference, a surgery..quite an experience…

February 23, 2008

So, I just spent the entire week at the American Academy of Forensic Sciences annual meeting. It was a tough week, I can’t say that I’m not exhausted. The weather today prevented me from really going out today, and the worst part about it is that I probably could have finished the conference this morning, given the opportunity, but I was so tired when I woke up this morning. So, I took the day to relax and recover.

Here’s what I think.

1. I thought for a while that I couldn’t do this. It was the disability, it was the sickness, it was all of that.

Bullshit. That was just an excuse. I met some world renowned scientists this week, and they ALL said that not only am I making a huge impact on the literature, but that I will definitely have a job when I’m out of school. So…I have my lab backing me up, my adviser backing me up, my committee backing me up, and now the community backing me up. I didn’t need a special section to present the LITTLE I had anyway, the jealousy within me for the money that the other lab gets was raising to new heights. I guess it’s easy to be successful when you have all the money in the world to do your experiments and things right at your fingertips.
I feel as if this entire trip either made me stronger…or more scared. I think that I pissed off a couple people, and I think I got a lot of people really excited about a lot of really good science. I met some people that I never anticipated. I met the inventor of Temprence Brennan, the main character of the show Bones. I also met Dr. Lee who testified in a number of cases from Scott Petersen, and O.J. Simpson. On the flip side…

…the hotel sucked. Don’t EVER go to the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel in Washington DC. It’s a HORRIFICALLY non-ADA hotel. *ugh* It was really really really bad. The parking was bad, the way to get up from the metro was bad. It snowed two days in a row, it was just enough to make me crazy.

You know it’s weird though. All I kept thinking about last night in the open forum was to make the most of the time I had there, because I needed to go home, and get healthy. So, the surgery is coming, and needless to say, it doesn’t prevent me from being scared out of my wits, but at least I’m comprehending it enough to know that I’m not a moron, and once I get to feeling better, I really need to get down and get done with this comprehensive exam so that I can get out of school sooner rather than later…

Dr. W….creepy. Real creepy.

Perhaps there’s nothing worse in the world…

December 10, 2007

Wait, of course there is. But, I must admit on the top of the list there…is waiting for something that you figure won’t be coming.

I submitted an abstract back in October for the Society of Toxicology’s Annual Meeting in Seattle. I figured that it would be perfect. A week of seminars, and a weekend to hang out with my girl Laurel. What could be better? I was also prompted to do this by my boss, due to the fact that another girl in the lab is also submitting. She submitted for a presentation, I submitted for a poster. She has now received information that her submission got accepted. I was happy for her, grateful that she got a chance to go outside her realm into the world that I love so much.

She’s making me so nervous. I haven’t gotten my notification. I don’t expect it. I didn’t figure that I would really get accepted. Honest. I didn’t know that I would get accepted at the American Academy of Forensic Sciences annual meeting, but I got accepted there. *shock* It’s my first national meeting that this research is like mine…

So, if I don’t get to go to Seattle, it isn’t the end of the world. If I get to go, it would be fantastic. I would be happy…but I just can’t stand the waiting!!