Posts Tagged ‘graduate school’

Tales of a Wannabe Bride?

November 30, 2009

So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog. It has been busy since about May, since we got engaged. It’s been an interesting dynamic trying to plan this wedding. I feel like I need to make sure that I retitle this blog tales of a wannabe bride because in the end that’s what this is becoming. I’m tall and proud when it comes to my family, and his family dynamic is well….really different.
It’s largely because they have different priorities. They prioritize everything over family and it’s one of those things that I just can’t seem to get past. Its work over family. I’m just not used to it. Guess it’s something that just kind of happens a lot. But, wedding planning is progressing nicely, we’re working on getting bridesmaids dresses done, tuxes are chosen, I have a dress, a caterer, a reception hall, photographer, and a church. Now, I’ve got to pick a DJ, flowers, cake, you know it never ends.
Then of course there’s school. With the wedding approaching a lot quicker than I would like it too, I must admit that it’s an easy distraction. But, I’m not doing nearly as well as I should be doing largely because I’m distracted, busy, and well, busy. I feel like to a certain extent I’m doing too much and I need to sit down and pay attention, aka why I haven’t been writing this blog nearly as much as I should.
Thanksgiving was nice, and we hit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. It was a fun trip and that museum is way too much to see in one day. The interactive displays alone would take one day. U23D was out of this world and made me feel better for missing their show this year in DC. Bruce Springsteen had 2 entire floors, with the history and dynamic of rock and roll taking up a good entire basement of the pyramid building nestled right behind the Science Center and next to the new Browns Stadium.
Its cold up here in them there hills, a lot different than it is in Maryland where I’ll admit, we’re still waiting for winter to come. I’m happy to keep waiting so take that for what it is. I’m going to end up getting parking for the winter, it might not be worth the price, but if it will save me the trouble when the ice sets in, I’ll be happy.
It’s an interesting change from when I used to post all the time. I think I was trying to avoid the pain of real life and the true reality that my sweetheart isn’t here, and until I finish this PhD, he won’t be. We’re not likely to stay in the DC area, and that although depressing will be an interesting and dynamic change. For the both of us. He’s got a much harder road to hoe than I do for a full time position, so I guess it all just depends on how you want to deal with things. I’m dealing with rough stuff now he’ll be dealing with it later.
Ah well, flights boarding. Guess I need to get going. I’ll try my best to stay updated. I’ve been really bad with it recently because things are so busy and I’ll admit that NaBloPoMo basically passed with me not missing it too much. Guess times change.

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Tales of a Wannabe Graduate Student ~ Reasons to stay, and reasons to go…

June 18, 2009

So, the saga continues, and it looks now that my focus has to completely change. The interesting thing is that there are times that I just want to quit school. I think that’s why I started this column and called it what I did.

So, as it stands I have:
1. A method that I’ve worked on for 2+ years that doesn’t work.
2. 8,000 ideas of what to do instead of it.
3. I need to finish it so that I know that for sure it’s not going to work.
4. A fiancee that’s in Chicago that’s taking a lot of my shit. I’ll admit it, he is. But, his graduate work was a bit different than mine.

I just don’t know what to do next. I’m so angry I could just spit.

On an upswing, for those of you that remember what my family went through during the summer last year, the guy plead guilty. I hope he gets sentenced for a long long time. Check the Laurel Leader for followups. If there was anything that would make me stay and finish this out, it’s odd…it’s that entire situation.
Why do you say? I don’t know, perhaps it was the pull that the forensic work that was performed. To stay in trace evidence was something that just pulled me even more now that I’ve been personally affected by it.

Sorry it seems strange. It’s been a bad time recently.

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout ~ Coping with the past

June 1, 2009

So, I gotta tell you, my car has never looked the same. Yes folks, Slumber Parties is finally dead in the W household. Not that the company is a bad thing, just not a fit for me. It’s like fast money, well there are plenty of industries out there. It’s an interesting thing because I tried to use that as a way to have a certain lifestyle while I was starting graduate work.

How wrong I was man. But, life moves on and you do your own thing right? It’s interesting, as I start to clear out the stuff from that business I realize at times how much I’ve made horrific decisions and been completely fine, or like in that case, I’ve made decisions and they’ve blown up in my face. I have been reading this great book about remarkably a woman that spend a lot of time stripping, and it made me feel like that to a certain extent. Going down to the core of what makes me a woman, and breaking myself up. It was weird because not unlike stripping, all I was thinking about was the money. It didn’t make sense.

So, life moves on. Or it doesn’t. It’s funny, everything is in limbo because of this crazy proposal. My wedding planning, me getting finished with school, moving, everything. It’s on hold for one paper that I feel like to a certain extent I’ve been pouring my soul into. It’s still not right. It’s almost as if the pressure is getting to me.

An Update of Sorts Part II…or Three…or whatever it is.

May 27, 2009

So, I will admit in the past two weeks I have been bad with updating. Things have been hectic, crazy, and busy, but delightfully so. I am currently in the process of finishing my research proposal and although I really wish that it could be done sooner rather than later, I’m back at the bench fixing all the problems that were created because I took sometime to write.

A bit of good news and words on everything that’s been going on in the media, life, etc.

My 5th anniversary came and went with some fantastic news. I went out to Chicago, we had a great weekend me and my hunny, and we got engaged. I was SHOCKED. Like blown away surprised, ecstatic actually. It was a night to remember and I am forever grateful to my sweetie for giving it to me. That being said, there’s currently no plans in the works for the wedding as I’m in the midst of proposal planning above.

Okay, so a few current events:
Ann Coulter can suck it for all I care, I don’t really like the woman. She was on Good Morning America today talking about the Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor. I gotta tell you despite your political affiliation, it’s interesting to watch that stuff because between her and James Carville, well I have to tell you that the Southern gentleman of James Carville wins out everytime for me. Sotomayor’s nomination is only a day old and people are already giving her the nod like it doesn’t have to go through a process. I’m all for Obama, I think he’s doing a decent job, but cmon. I’m applauding his choice, but something seems fishy to me.

Onto yes your favorite family and mine…
Jon and Kate Plus 8 premiered their 5th season this Monday, and then rebroadcasted again last night. I was grateful that my girl Missy called because if that isn’t a train wreck I don’t know what is. I’ll admit it, I used to watch the show. The kids are cute, and it’s an interesting look at people trying to take care of sextuplets as well as two twin girls. Now, initially, it really was interesting, a good perspective, they aren’t that far north of me being in Bucks County, PA. After all the media hype of Jon’s alleged affair and how they are starting to pull apart….well it’s just sad. I’m a huge fan of reality TV but then there’s train wreck TV. From reports that I’ve read, there was visual hostility that instead of sitting in their favorite loveseat together, they were barely touching barely looking.

Kate, you’re my age. I know it’s a different lifestyle, you’re trying to take care of your family, your kids, your husband. But, other than your hairstyle, which isn’t terrible, you’ve got to give it up. Perhaps it’s time to walk away from TLC. Now, I know what you’re thinking. The Duggars have a very successful show, why can’t we?

You have your successful show. I hope that you guys have enough money at this point to at least attempt to start a nice college fund for the girls and the sextuplets, but for now…you’ve got to work on your marriage.

Just an outsider looking in. Oh, and on that note…shame on you TLC. Shame on you.

Meanwhile, a report out of Tampa Bay said that a suburban couple was arrested today of multiple counts of possession with the intention to distribute illegal steroids and the district is still ringing. The couple implicated both the Washington Capitals and Nationals in the bust, saying they had sold to key players on both teams. Now, let’s be honest. With the worst record in the Major Leagues right now…is anyone really worried about the Nationals and if they took steroids? Which I’ve got to admit, I highly doubt given their stupendous record. But, yup you guessed it…why the only team that has won in DC in a long time do you go after the beloved Caps?

Dick Patrick, president of the Washington Capitals came out vehemently against the allegation. I’m sure Ted Leonsis will do the same. I’m confident…for now. I’ve been disappointed before.

Helio Castroneves won the Indianapolis 500 the other day right after coming out from under accusations of alleged tax fraud charges. He was so happy he cried. His sister, mother, the entire family in tears. Danica Patrick finished 3rd.

Guess that’s it from here at home. I’ll be in and out for a while, I’ve been doing my best to stay sane. I’ll keep ya’ll updated.

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout: I at this point wonder…

April 29, 2009

How I’m slowly but surely losing my faith in humanity. So, just to catch people up:

I’m officially done the “testing” part of my “testing” in my dissertation. But, there’s a catch. My advisor decided that he didn’t want to “retest” me, and decided instead to use my research proposal as my “test”. This has put entirely way too much weight on this proposal and I’m basically getting and shelling out nothing but grief. I’ve got to hand it to myself, I’m freaking out over this way more than the concept of just taking an oral exam.

I recognize as an adult I can totally walk away from this and be totally fine, but given the fact that I’ve chased this forensic science dream for so long, and for so hard, the idea of walking away from it at square zero and starting all over again…well, it’s annoying as crap.

I also wonder how my other students get by with all the crap. I’ve got to tell ya, I don’t teach, have been lucky to be on a research assistantship the entire time, and although I have had huge issues with money, and at this point spend way too much on commas…well, I have colleagues in the department that I work in and they teach, have research issues just like I do, have personal issues and other things just like I do, and they’re fine. They also have not one, not two, but three oral exams all at once. I think if they knew it was coming, it wouldn’t be so bad.

It’s hard to say. All I know is that I’m now at the point that not only do I have a short temper, but I’m also starting to figure a couple things out. I’m now at the point that I feel like I’ve been there too long, and I’m overly aggressive towards my work. I’m glad that people are graduating around me, as they are getting their own stuff done…but I would really like to be amongst them, whether they are ahead of the average or not.
I feel like to a certain extent, when I get to the point where I truly hate it…like passionately hate it, I’ll go. Regardless of my bf being in the midwest, for us struggling through a long distance relationship.

It’s odd…for once. In almost 33 years….it’s about me.

Odd hmm??

A few tidbits for a Tuesday Afternoon…

April 7, 2009

I’m procrastinating to all hell. Why you ask? Because I have a great idea for a short story that I haven’t worked on because I have myself convinced that I need to be working on well…work. So, I do my best, read a couple articles here or there and something on Facebook or here in the blogosphere catches my eye…and I’m gone. Done.

Catch this undergrad. It’s imperative that you look where you’re going when you decide to climb onto an elevator. That way you won’t tick off the grad student that although not in charge of your grade, can get a hold of the guy or gal in charge of your grade.

Two delightful weekends with bf has made me skippy. We put together Easter baskets for my nephews this weekend and thanks to my man, I am officially the coolest auntie on the planet.

Mental note to all you men out there btw: If you KNOW that you disagree with your fine lookin’ honey on things like politics, don’t bring it up. ESPECIALLY if you’re in a long distance relationship allowing her a bit more freedom. That freedom can come in and bite you in the butt. Case in point this weekend. Now, has Michael Steele said some dumb crap: Yes. Is he a complete nimrod? I don’t think so…at least not yet. Michael don’t steer me wrong man, I’m routing for you, fuck it, the whole damn state of Maryland is routing for you. We recognize you might be the fall guy, but we’re hopeful for the best.

I finished the Wicked Years yesterday. I haven’t decided if I will review all three books or just stick to the last two I read or just do one big review. It will come eventually. For now I’m reading Denis Leary’s book, very fun.

News on my big test: I passed. Thankfully. More news on what’s next in the never ending hoops that I need to jump through to get through graduate school with my doctorate to come.

Speaking of which: I’m contemplating compiling a book. Titled like most of my threads that I write about school: Tales of a Wannabe Grad School Dropout. For those of you that are out there reading that are grad school people like me, let me know you’re feelings.

The weather is typical Maryland hellish weather these days. It’s screwing with my system.

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout ~ Money’s tight…

November 3, 2008

I can’t tell you how many times I have been sitting in front of a computer going, “I need a bit more fun in my life.”  Yet, I sit down and do…nothing.  I think to a certain extent I sit and do nothing because I spend my days doing so much, that now I’m just letting my laziness take over. I did a bit of a puzzle today, and of course I wonder at times why the bf doesn’t care when I’m not there than I finally got it.

I’m not there.  It’s not a huge deal to him, because he subconsciously cares and loves me whether I’m there or not.  He doesn’t understand what his sheer presence does to me.  Then again, I sit sometimes and think…why doesn’t he tell me what he’s thinking? He says that he’s very self inspective, and I almost laughed at him. I figure out of anyone, he would talk to me first right? That anyone that he would be willing to let in, it’d be me?

I worry that he hasn’t.  He has been cooking more, been going out more, and I know already I can’t afford to go out there in December. He doesn’t want to have that conversation. When we have the conversation that he has to admit that he cares enough to make this relationship work.  That he makes the money to keep this relationship financially stable.  It hurts that he doesn’t see that.  He worries that I’m taking advantage, etc. It’s aggravating. I have friends that have dealt with the long distance thing, and everytime they never work. I want to be that 1%. I’m almost desperate to be that 1%.  Perhaps I’m totally wrong. I need to center in on myself, etc.  Perhaps this is more of an experiment for myself than for anyone else.

Perhaps this, graduate work, getting done alone, being there by myself is what will complete this entire experience and have it so that I will go back into the relationship full. It’s hard to say.

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout ~ Musings for a Tuesday

July 29, 2008

Checklist for the week:
1. Make sure that your family isn’t mad because you’ve been completely avoiding them for this test. *check*
2. Plan a rendezvous with one of the best buds for after the test because you’ve been avoiding her too, and she’s probably convinced you hate her. *working on it*
3. Wish friend that is heading half way across the globe for a whole MONTH good luck, and express in words how truly jealous you are that she’s going to Cairo. *check*
4. Don’t freak out manfriend is moving 707 miles northwest to a city that isn’t nearly as friendly or warm as Baltimore is. *check*
5. Prep yourself for dealing with the fact that your boss is going to flip out that you’re going to be gone for seven days because of said manfriend moving. *check*
6. Ignore manfriend because he’s being a douchebag because all he can think of is leaving you alone in this cesspool of Baltimore. *check*check*
7. Study. Well, attempt to without remembering goofy songs that you once listened to. *check*
8. Sleep. Hey wait…what happened to that?

The countdown in on folks. For those that I have unhappily ignored or snapped at, my sincere apologizes. They say that this is the last important exam I will ever take in my life. They lie, but that’s besides the point. This is my jump between the masters and phd programs. I’m tired, sad, frustrated, and angry all at once. Man friend is putting everyone out on a limb, and as much as I love him, he’s making me crazy. He’s ignoring me, so I’ve decided to ignore him in return. When he doesn’t ignore me, I’m so repulsed that he has, that I don’t want to have any fun.

Bad scene, bad scene. I’ll write more about Chicago and our New York trips after this test.
I feel like I’ve put my life on hold for this stupid test.
Looks like I’ll be in Portland in September, yea northwest! :):)

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout ~ Songs to Study by

June 25, 2008

Figured I’d stop by and say hey to everyone. T minus 3 weeks till the big test is FINALLY over! Figured I’d start the list, see what people thought of it.

Thin Lizzy: The Boys are Back in Town
Okay, this song is funny. It has saved me from all out panic in quite a few classes, and it will for this exam too dammit!

Saving Jane: Supergirl A recent addition to my musical montage. If you’re a woman, it’s a good song to lift you out of a bad mood. I think at least. 🙂

Saving Jane: One Girl Revolution What can I say? I’m into angry woman music. I just love it, it helps for some reason to know that you’re worth it, that you too can get through things.

Cake: Short Skirt, Long Jacket What a song, it’s just good and poppy, keeps you going right at that point where like, you’re ready to pass out because you’ve been reading too much stuff….yup, that’s when you play this song.

Rascal Flatts: Stand When you’re convinced you’ve lost your fight, listen to this song. It will help. Promise.

Joe Nichols: The Impossible When you realize that there’s a lot more out there than just school. This song is for you. It gives me a lot of perspective. It will make you cry, guaranteed. Maybe I’m just a sap. 🙂 Because in the end, you too can get through the fight a lot quicker than you realize.

Nickelback: Rockstar I’ll admit right now, I’m a huge loser. I know it. I’m okay with it. This song is intense, and it makes me happy. It makes me realize that you too can be a rockstar.

John Fogarty: Centerfield Put me in Coach! Yes, I’m a huge loser, but it helps me with studying. It’s a good pop song, and it is nice to remember that the sun does come out, the new grass is on the field…and you’re heading for home.

Led Zeppelin: Hey Hey, What Can I do? Keeps a smile on my face, I’ll tell you that.

All American Rejects: Dirty Little Secret Wanna know mine? I’m gonna pass my exam!!!

That’s it folks, hope you like it!

Chicago Won’t Know what Hit Em…

April 28, 2008

That’s right folks, along with the bf defending his thesis on Friday, we also found out where he’ll likely end up.

The Windy City. Well known for cold, Solider Field, Wrigley Field, and Comiskey Park, he got offered a post-doc position with the physics department at the University of Illinois Chicago. I know that it’s a relief because he won’t be depressed, aggravated, and annoyed that he couldn’t find a job. I know he’ll be busy, I know he’ll miss me. It hurts and it’s fantastic all at once.

I can’t help it, despite how proud and wonderful the situation is.

I’m heartbroken and terrified. I know it’s only 700 miles, but it’s ONLY 700 miles. He’s going to take the place by storm, I just know it. I didn’t know whether to be happy or cry on Friday.

It must be a good sign he wanted our parents to meet right? I think it is.

The weather hasn’t helped things. It really hasn’t. A crappy day for a crappy mood. Happy Monday folks.