Posts Tagged ‘life’

The Case of an Uncurable Optimist

May 8, 2009

What a fabulous night. I watched the new special: Michael J Fox: The Adventures of an Uncurable Optimist.

After his stint on Inside the Actor’s Studio, I had revived my passion for Michael J. Fox. A huge fan of his in the late 80’s and early 90’s in a variety of shows and programs especially Family Ties, when he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease I didn’t quite know what to think. I had walked away from some of his work (Bright Lights Big City wasn’t great) but I started revisiting his work as he has become a true spokesperson for one reason.

Being happy. He explored a variety of things last night, from the Gross National Happiness in Bhutan (I google mapped it, I didn’t know where it was either) to the uncurable fascination with the Chicago Cubs, despite the 100 year losing streak. An insatiable attitude for life, happiness, family. It put a new spin on things, and made me for the first time in a while, just happy to be here.


I could ramble on and on…

March 30, 2009

So, it’s been about two or some odd weeks before I had a chance to sit down and throw some info down here about what’s been going on. I’ve been super busy and it doesn’t look to finish anytime soon, but I figured that I would throw some information up and let the cards fall where they may.
Speaking of cards…X-Men Origins: Wolverine is due out May 1st, and although I have always been a fan of the X-Men series, I’m SUPER excited that my favorite mutant, Gambit is coming out to play for the 1st time in the X-Men movies. It actually is going to be good next couple weeks for movies. The original cast is back for Fast and Furious and from what I’ve heard of the soundtrack I’m blissfully happy about it. Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, the cars…man the cars alone would have me waiting for tickets for this movie. State of Play also looks like it’s going to be a thrilling movie. Of course this summer we’re also waiting on Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince for which of course I’m grateful and can’t WAIT to see. I saw Watchmen when I was in Chicago for my conference and I’ve got to say that seeing things in the IMAX is the way to see a movie, ESPECIALLY a movie like that. It was good but if you’re anticipating a movie that is a normal super hero movie, you will be grossly disappointed.

Life as a graduate student will hopefully mellow out slightly in June. So, when I initially took my comprehensive exam in August last year, I didn’t pass all of the exam. I passed some but not all. So, I have taken WAY too long to deal with this, and now I have one more exam to take, as I took my 4th (out of 5) on Friday. So, if the exam I took on Friday comes out, I’ll take this last exam. To say I’m nervous is an understatement. I’m tired of doing these tests though. It will be nice one way to come out in the wash.

I have had a hard time with people as of recent. I think it’s hard for me to read people, and I try really hard not to let people hurt my feelings, and in the meantime, hurt others. I don’t like that. I don’t like thinking that about people. But, here’s the thing. If I’m calling you on something, one of two things is happening. Either 1. You did it, and you don’t like being called out. or 2. I genuinely hurt your feelings. But, I’ve got to ask the few readers I have out there…if I legit apologize, isn’t that enough? I figure that I’m not the type to hold grudges, I have a tendency to either forget about it, or just to write you off. I will admit it, it’s either one or the other for me. But, if you legit apologize, that I’ll take what you said, say okay we’re cool and move on.

Why is it that no one thinks the way I do? *sigh* Maybe it’s just me.

Oh, and a last bit news bit here. The Mt. Dew Action Sports Tour announced their new dates for the 2009 tour, and I just have to air my disappointment here. As a skateboarding fan, I was blissfully happy that the Dew Tour will make a stop in Grant Park in Chicago…conveniently to boyfriend’s house right? Too bad it’s not going to be the skateboarders!!! It’s not going to be any skateboarding in the 2nd city…no no…they’re going to Boston.

What’s going on people???? I recognize that the boarding community got screwed here in Baltimore for the beloved Orioles that haven’t gotten out of the basement of the AL east in a long time, but I mean hey…at least if you’re going to build a park, you’re going to build a half-pipe, throw the event all at the same time please????

The Internet, Life, and some tidbits

May 27, 2008

You know, when I first got on the internet in 1994, I got on a program called ircII. It was old, easy to work, and it was somewhere that I didn’t have to worry with the fact that I hardly had any friends my first semester of college.  My 2nd semester, I was assaulted at school, and realized quickly that meeting men on the internet was probably not the brightest thing in the world that I did.

I met quite a few wonderful people that to this day I still talk to on IRC.  They aren’t bad people, but I think we all had our separate reasons that brought us to IRC, and we all had our separate reasons as to why we left. I don’t remember what Craig, Steve and Ann, or Hinson are doing right now, but I truly hope that they are wonderful. I hope Steve and Ann are still together with children. It’s hard to say. I used to hang out with a bunch of people off a channel called #altmusic, and we got together every Christmas for the national tree lighting.  The last time I went was in 2004, I had first started dating the bf, and I just wasn’t interested in being bitter, cynical, and angry anymore. It wasn’t something that I needed to do.

Fast forward to right before graduate work. I had been working for a woman that wasn’t a nice woman. I’ll admit that right off that we weren’t a good match. She needed someone subservient, and that wasn’t and still isn’t me. I’m not sad that she’s left the university.   I needed a release because my girlfriends from work had gone home to England and Ireland respectively, and I wasn’t a full time graduate student yet, so I couldn’t necessarily come and go as I pleased. I turned to another social networking group, that was more about writing and learning and living with people that actually were pretty good.

I’ve been doing that now for a little less than two years, and although I have moved most of my stuff over here to wordpress, I must admit that it’s hard not to allow yourself to get absorbed in the drama. It was as if the program was a release for people like me that were going through major changes in their lives, and didn’t quite know what to do except write it all down.

I need a break.  It’s hard not to get sucked into people’s dramas. People’s lives. I’m such a sensitive person, that sometimes if you catch me on a bad mood, PMSy or not, I will get upset. I will say mean hurtful things.

I know I’m not that person.

I know that I’m person that will live outside the life that she has in front of her. Regardless of the fact that my lab isn’t the easiest place in the world to be. Regardless of things changing so much. I need a break from the life on the internet.  It’s almost too much for me.

Back to reality a little bit, the bf graduated and is officially a doctor.


So, I’ve got a dirty little secret…

January 15, 2008

Yes folks, it’s worse than the All-American Rejects song.  Here’s the thing..when I was dating the young one before I started dating my sweetie now, I ran into an ex of mine. This was a particular ex that I fell for, and mistakingly so. He was(and probably still is) a great guy, dry sense of humor, very smart, cute, and just a good person….well, so I thought. I must admit that I was a bit messed up when we dated, and when things didn’t work out, and I didn’t know why…it ended horribly.

I’m famous for these types of breakups. Perhaps because when I get hurt like that, I can totally be super-b*tch.  I’ll admit it, and I’m manipulative too, yup, know that too.  But, when I had my heart surgery, he was nice enough to at least send me something in the hospital, and he called even. It was nice. I will admit that, it was nice. But, I will also admit when you’re faced with a life and death thing like that heart surgery was, the idea of looking back on it, is hard. Really hard.

So, speed up a few years, and low and behold, I’m dating the young one (he ended up not being nice either, but that’s another long story) and we go to the movies, and there he is. Cutie woman he was with and he came by, but I turned away, hoping that he didn’t want to talk to me. That’s okay.  I recognize that I’m a total chicken, and I’m okay with that. I am. I know it. I’m fine with that.  Meanwhile, I went about what I was doing, dating the young one, and then dropped him like a bad habit, probably a year later.

Now, my secret…I’m an internet stalker. No contact, just drive bys. I sometimes check out the young one’s lab website to see if he’s published. I check his music website to make sure that I don’t end up at a coffee house that he’s playing at.  Welp, the guy that I fell for? I found his blog…yup, that’s right.  It kind of scared me first, but that’s the thing about this guy. He’s a good talker, and a fabulous writer, and there’s just times that I wanted that sneak peek into how he’s doing.  Welp, married and with a little one on the way, he’s coming back home…and home is here.

Why in the world do I feel like it’s bad to be a 31 year old in graduate school??? Because my parents are self-maders, working instead to get a job and work your way up that way, instead of working through the classical taught way of going to school and being done. There was just something inside me saying that I needed this, I deserved this. I think that no one would torture themselves with graduate school if they didn’t feel like that. It’s not something that’s easy, but for me…nothing in life has been excepting loving my family, my bf, and my nephews.  I think I feel bad because I want it so bad. I want kids, and probably will never have my own, I want to be married, and discover that part of myself.

It’s dangerous to want. So, yup…I feel bad that I stalk, but I’m happy he’s doing good I guess. This town is a lot smaller than you figure it is, I worry at times of running into them. But, like I said to a labmate of mine, why do I care???

A Confession

November 16, 2007

I got to admit, I’m on way too many websites all at once. I know this. It’s honestly Kara’s fault. Why do you say this? Well, okay, so Gather was her fault. Facebook was all me. Twitter, Plaxo, it’s all Kara. She’s hooked up. I thought before all this I was lucky just to have Myspace . Man, my myspace is like a commercial for all things skateboarding. It’s an advertisement for my favorite bands, and my favorite boards, and my favorite toys. God, even this website has ads for action sports. I’m obsessed. 🙂 But, on Facebook, my sister and I have currently become obsessed with Scrabulous. It’s an online scrabble competition.

She cheats.

I know she does. (Don’t deny it Kara! Read on!) For some of the words she comes up with, I know she cheats. Now, I know she’s well read, and I know she’s got it going on and all, but cmon. I know it. She cheats. For example, she won the last game we played with Zed. What the hell is a zed??? You don’t use that in normal conversation, I mean cmon. She’s currently beating my butt with words like Sabine. What??? What is that???

Yes, I looked up all these words, and I just know Kara’s sitting there with her mondo Scrabble dictionary and studying what she can do to abuse her little sister.
Well, I have a confession.

I cheat too. Yes, I’ll admit it. It’s not something I’m proud of, but my vocab has fallen off a bit since graduate school started. If it’s not chemically related, I normally don’t know what I’m talking about.

There. I’ve said it. I feel better now. Let the ridicule begin.

Life, a fraternity, and romance enhancement

November 9, 2007

So, as things have progressed, I’ve got to admit that I have been enjoying this NaBloPoMo thing quite a bit. It’s been helpful for me to take a certain amount of time to get through my thoughts so that I can go on with the rest of my day.

I’ve got a meeting with my department chair this afternoon to discuss my fellowship proposal, my committee, and what’s next in my dissertation stuff. I’ve got to say, it’s nice that at this point I’m truly 1/2 way through. I wish that I could say that I’m all the way through, but I digress. The University system here in Maryland has been good to me, and as such I’ve got to say, that if I wasn’t at my research university I’d probably be happier.

The negativity that I receive where I’m working at (where my lab is) is miserable. I’ve never met people that have made wrong decisions and done nothing to correct it. It’s not like I’m saying they are bad people, and I hate them all, because I don’t…I’m not saying that they are all negative, because they aren’t, I just haven’t found my niche there yet, and I’m starting to wonder if I ever will. I’m comfortable in the cozy confines of Baltimore, and I wish to stay here. As I can’t, I might as well hide here on my off time. People are strong to their way of living, and I think because I’ve always been forced to adjust so much, their lack of openmindedness bothers me. People say, do, and act really dumb in my book.

Don’t wish yourself dead by 70, believe me you’ll feel different at 69. Don’t drink yourself to oblivion, because as my research can show, the lasting effects will bother you for a while. I’m all for a good party, but I’ve been the whole drinking till blacking out thing. I’ve done that, I’m over it. Perhaps because everyone is fresh out of undergraduate, and they all went to relatively small schools, the idea of what they did during their undergraduate careers was a bit different than mine. But, even as I think back to the dismal days of the end of my 1st undergraduate degree, I’ve got to say that I was never the huge drinking type.

I got more into it with the Alpha Chi Sigma people, I’ve got to admit. But, it was a place that I still had to adjust to being more comfortable, and how they did things. I didn’t drink during my pledge semester, I was more interested in watching the skaters on campus than being at pledge meetings. I was also still very sick.

Speaking of AXE. I got a call yesterday that they needed assistance in their initiation ceremony, and as much as I’m willing to help, once again, the lack of openmindedness is legendary. And, frustrating. Perhaps I’m not being openminded in my own situation, it’s hard to say.

So, for those of you that read me, you know that I’m a romance enhancement specialist. I’ve got two parties in the next two weeks, relatively far away. I’m terrified. My experiences is that if you drive for a party, it will not go well. I’m hoping against hope that it isn’t the case. I went to Woodbridge, which was a good 2 hour drive, and that was a great party. So…I’m hopeful.

The party I have this weekend is a bunch of college women, and it should be fun. It will be large numbers, so I’m hoping that there will be good sales. I just sent off a long email of last minute instructions for the hostess. With in home party sales it’s funny. Some people do really well, some don’t. I’m one that doesn’t. But, I digress. It’s because I’d rather not swindle people. I think swindling sucks. I’d much rather give you a good deal. There are so many women in the company I work for that expect college parties to be so bad. I hope my luck with them continues.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine online is having a party the following weekend….hehehe…should be interesting, but I’ll let her tell you about it.