Posts Tagged ‘research’

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout: I at this point wonder…

April 29, 2009

How I’m slowly but surely losing my faith in humanity. So, just to catch people up:

I’m officially done the “testing” part of my “testing” in my dissertation. But, there’s a catch. My advisor decided that he didn’t want to “retest” me, and decided instead to use my research proposal as my “test”. This has put entirely way too much weight on this proposal and I’m basically getting and shelling out nothing but grief. I’ve got to hand it to myself, I’m freaking out over this way more than the concept of just taking an oral exam.

I recognize as an adult I can totally walk away from this and be totally fine, but given the fact that I’ve chased this forensic science dream for so long, and for so hard, the idea of walking away from it at square zero and starting all over again…well, it’s annoying as crap.

I also wonder how my other students get by with all the crap. I’ve got to tell ya, I don’t teach, have been lucky to be on a research assistantship the entire time, and although I have had huge issues with money, and at this point spend way too much on commas…well, I have colleagues in the department that I work in and they teach, have research issues just like I do, have personal issues and other things just like I do, and they’re fine. They also have not one, not two, but three oral exams all at once. I think if they knew it was coming, it wouldn’t be so bad.

It’s hard to say. All I know is that I’m now at the point that not only do I have a short temper, but I’m also starting to figure a couple things out. I’m now at the point that I feel like I’ve been there too long, and I’m overly aggressive towards my work. I’m glad that people are graduating around me, as they are getting their own stuff done…but I would really like to be amongst them, whether they are ahead of the average or not.
I feel like to a certain extent, when I get to the point where I truly hate it…like passionately hate it, I’ll go. Regardless of my bf being in the midwest, for us struggling through a long distance relationship.

It’s odd…for once. In almost 33 years….it’s about me.

Odd hmm??


Life, a fraternity, and romance enhancement

November 9, 2007

So, as things have progressed, I’ve got to admit that I have been enjoying this NaBloPoMo thing quite a bit. It’s been helpful for me to take a certain amount of time to get through my thoughts so that I can go on with the rest of my day.

I’ve got a meeting with my department chair this afternoon to discuss my fellowship proposal, my committee, and what’s next in my dissertation stuff. I’ve got to say, it’s nice that at this point I’m truly 1/2 way through. I wish that I could say that I’m all the way through, but I digress. The University system here in Maryland has been good to me, and as such I’ve got to say, that if I wasn’t at my research university I’d probably be happier.

The negativity that I receive where I’m working at (where my lab is) is miserable. I’ve never met people that have made wrong decisions and done nothing to correct it. It’s not like I’m saying they are bad people, and I hate them all, because I don’t…I’m not saying that they are all negative, because they aren’t, I just haven’t found my niche there yet, and I’m starting to wonder if I ever will. I’m comfortable in the cozy confines of Baltimore, and I wish to stay here. As I can’t, I might as well hide here on my off time. People are strong to their way of living, and I think because I’ve always been forced to adjust so much, their lack of openmindedness bothers me. People say, do, and act really dumb in my book.

Don’t wish yourself dead by 70, believe me you’ll feel different at 69. Don’t drink yourself to oblivion, because as my research can show, the lasting effects will bother you for a while. I’m all for a good party, but I’ve been the whole drinking till blacking out thing. I’ve done that, I’m over it. Perhaps because everyone is fresh out of undergraduate, and they all went to relatively small schools, the idea of what they did during their undergraduate careers was a bit different than mine. But, even as I think back to the dismal days of the end of my 1st undergraduate degree, I’ve got to say that I was never the huge drinking type.

I got more into it with the Alpha Chi Sigma people, I’ve got to admit. But, it was a place that I still had to adjust to being more comfortable, and how they did things. I didn’t drink during my pledge semester, I was more interested in watching the skaters on campus than being at pledge meetings. I was also still very sick.

Speaking of AXE. I got a call yesterday that they needed assistance in their initiation ceremony, and as much as I’m willing to help, once again, the lack of openmindedness is legendary. And, frustrating. Perhaps I’m not being openminded in my own situation, it’s hard to say.

So, for those of you that read me, you know that I’m a romance enhancement specialist. I’ve got two parties in the next two weeks, relatively far away. I’m terrified. My experiences is that if you drive for a party, it will not go well. I’m hoping against hope that it isn’t the case. I went to Woodbridge, which was a good 2 hour drive, and that was a great party. So…I’m hopeful.

The party I have this weekend is a bunch of college women, and it should be fun. It will be large numbers, so I’m hoping that there will be good sales. I just sent off a long email of last minute instructions for the hostess. With in home party sales it’s funny. Some people do really well, some don’t. I’m one that doesn’t. But, I digress. It’s because I’d rather not swindle people. I think swindling sucks. I’d much rather give you a good deal. There are so many women in the company I work for that expect college parties to be so bad. I hope my luck with them continues.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine online is having a party the following weekend….hehehe…should be interesting, but I’ll let her tell you about it.