Posts Tagged ‘school’

I could ramble on and on…

March 30, 2009

So, it’s been about two or some odd weeks before I had a chance to sit down and throw some info down here about what’s been going on. I’ve been super busy and it doesn’t look to finish anytime soon, but I figured that I would throw some information up and let the cards fall where they may.
Speaking of cards…X-Men Origins: Wolverine is due out May 1st, and although I have always been a fan of the X-Men series, I’m SUPER excited that my favorite mutant, Gambit is coming out to play for the 1st time in the X-Men movies. It actually is going to be good next couple weeks for movies. The original cast is back for Fast and Furious and from what I’ve heard of the soundtrack I’m blissfully happy about it. Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, the cars…man the cars alone would have me waiting for tickets for this movie. State of Play also looks like it’s going to be a thrilling movie. Of course this summer we’re also waiting on Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince for which of course I’m grateful and can’t WAIT to see. I saw Watchmen when I was in Chicago for my conference and I’ve got to say that seeing things in the IMAX is the way to see a movie, ESPECIALLY a movie like that. It was good but if you’re anticipating a movie that is a normal super hero movie, you will be grossly disappointed.

Life as a graduate student will hopefully mellow out slightly in June. So, when I initially took my comprehensive exam in August last year, I didn’t pass all of the exam. I passed some but not all. So, I have taken WAY too long to deal with this, and now I have one more exam to take, as I took my 4th (out of 5) on Friday. So, if the exam I took on Friday comes out, I’ll take this last exam. To say I’m nervous is an understatement. I’m tired of doing these tests though. It will be nice one way to come out in the wash.

I have had a hard time with people as of recent. I think it’s hard for me to read people, and I try really hard not to let people hurt my feelings, and in the meantime, hurt others. I don’t like that. I don’t like thinking that about people. But, here’s the thing. If I’m calling you on something, one of two things is happening. Either 1. You did it, and you don’t like being called out. or 2. I genuinely hurt your feelings. But, I’ve got to ask the few readers I have out there…if I legit apologize, isn’t that enough? I figure that I’m not the type to hold grudges, I have a tendency to either forget about it, or just to write you off. I will admit it, it’s either one or the other for me. But, if you legit apologize, that I’ll take what you said, say okay we’re cool and move on.

Why is it that no one thinks the way I do? *sigh* Maybe it’s just me.

Oh, and a last bit news bit here. The Mt. Dew Action Sports Tour announced their new dates for the 2009 tour, and I just have to air my disappointment here. As a skateboarding fan, I was blissfully happy that the Dew Tour will make a stop in Grant Park in Chicago…conveniently to boyfriend’s house right? Too bad it’s not going to be the skateboarders!!! It’s not going to be any skateboarding in the 2nd city…no no…they’re going to Boston.

What’s going on people???? I recognize that the boarding community got screwed here in Baltimore for the beloved Orioles that haven’t gotten out of the basement of the AL east in a long time, but I mean hey…at least if you’re going to build a park, you’re going to build a half-pipe, throw the event all at the same time please????


Catching Up…

March 21, 2009

So, with another test looming within a week now, I’ve got to admit that I’ve been avoiding people online. Nothing against my few readers that I have, just that it’s now come to make or break time and so when it comes down to it, that’s where I’ll be.

A bit of a catch up though:
1. Chicago was awesome and sucky all at the same time. P and I did squabble a bit, I think he talks a bit of talk about how things haven’t changed, but it has changed. It’s like we moved out on one another and now we’re trying to rebuild the relationship. On the upswing, I saw S (see my old post about Portland) and it was good! P and S met, and things went okay, it was a bit awkward, because S made it really clear that he didn’t anticipate P to be well…P. P made it very clear that S was much louder than he anticipated. I think that it was such a shake up to P’s daily routine, that it sort of thrown him off guard.
2. Work has come to a head. I’ve quit writing online, largely on the orange bubble land due to the plethora of drama that seems to sit there, as well as I have a tendency to sit on there and like sit there. All day, and completely forget about work, and everything else. So, what ends up happening now? Occasionally I hop on the orange bubble land, goof off, don’t say much, and then get off. It’s nice. The bad part about not having that distraction is that I’m a really boring person. Perhaps not such a bad thing.
3. Spring is wonderful and sucky at the same time. I have been hiding out in my crappy little ghetto apartment due to the fact that when I go outside my nose will not stop running. I don’t quite understand it. It’s frustrating, this is my favorite time of the year next to summer, but it’s frustrating at the same time. It was funny, my doc called the other day and told me that I have a vitamin D deficiency, and I basically giggled. No kidding…it’s winter time.

That’s about it for now. I’ve been in and out for a while, results will be reported!!!

Randomness in No Particular Order

January 8, 2009

1. It’s fucking cold out. I can’t imagine you suckers out in the midwest dealing with this since the beginning of December. It’s January, the midst of the little weather that I have here in MD, and I want to get off already. I think about bf being out in Chitown, and all I want to do is shiver.

2. There’s nothing nicer than having my parents over for dinner. My dad and I had the nicest time last night. That damn puzzle just won’t finish itself. I don’t get it.

3. I wonder if it’s true sometimes, now that we’ve been living apart for 4 months, if absence does make the heart grow fonder. My bf was here for 2 weeks, and my heart shattered again when he left. It’s odd too. I get mean. Like MEAN when crap like this happens.

4. After 32 years, I’ve realized that Maryland isn’t necessarily the best place in the whole world. I’m not saying that it ain’t great, it is…just saying that sometimes it’s not as blissful when you’re away from the people you care about.

5. Escaping can be a good thing. But, given that I heard on the news the other day that Arizona got snow…I have no where to hide.

6. Good data can make your entire week, bad data the next day can make you suicidal.

7. Turned in my first re-write, here’s moving on to all things alcohol!

8. Perhaps I should just get used to being in the return line. Christmas was wonderful, but those skinny jeans just aren’t my thing anymore. Damn swelling bs leg.

9. Moving on should be the token phrase for 2009.

10. And finally, I know I know, the entire world is in love with Barack Obama. And, as much as I’m excited for the new presidency, this whole BS whistle stop tour is going to immobilize this area for almost a whole week and it’s going to be a MAD HOUSE. Oh, and let me also take this time to give a big FU to Southwest airlines for increasing fares to Chicago because Barack is from there and so people will be flying back and forth. Thanks for NOTHING. Thankfully Ma will not be at work the day before or the day of inauguration. I will happily be watching the chaos from the comfort of my own home.

Like J said, I think 10’s enough for today. Happy New year!

The Holiday Weekend Revisited ~ The Art of the LDR Continued

December 1, 2008

As my exhaustive weekend in points west finished up, I must admit that certain realizations allowed me to continue on with my thoughts about how long distance relationships need so much work.

I spent the last couple days with the bf’s family. Who I’m rather used to. Although his father and sister have a tendency just not to think…they sometimes say rather mean things. Meanwhile, it wasn’t so bad. I thought it was weird that his sister didn’t stay at home with her parents but I started wondering if it was because of her dog. Their parents aren’t too keen on animals, so they said that they wouldn’t allow her to have the dog at their house.

Go figure hm?

I find myself getting sad and depressing when I came home. It’s depressing to come back to a place where he’s not at. It was hard this weekend, because I felt the need to share him. It’s hard for me being so far away from him to have to share him. We couldn’t be intimate at all, because we felt like we couldn’t avoid his family. His father says the same thing over and over, and it’s hard because they felt like it was really awkward with me there.

I hate that. I tried really hard when this relationship went long distance to not change the relationship. I didn’t change how I felt about him, he didn’t about me, and it was that we talked everyday, and we talked more and more about what we were going to do with our future, and not necessarily about our families.

Speaking of which, I worry that my family didn’t have a great respective thanksgiving. My aunt, one of the most special people in my life has had a bad diagnosis, so I worry how she’s dealing with that. My bil just recently lost his sister in a violent manner, I worry that his family made this holiday less than festive. My sis has never been all that vocal in how his family treats her, but I know that it’s not as great as it should be. I guess that’s how in-laws are though.

So, the bf family is still awkward, but we did okay and we saw both Twilight and Quantum of Solace. There’s a whole other plot line, but I must admit that the thought of the Bond series ending did come to my mind. It was so good to see my bf. It was nice after 3 weeks, that we’re now feeling like we’re almost going to be seeing each other too much, I’ll be back there in 2 weeks, and then he’ll be back here for 2 weeks for Christmas.

This time of year is so boisterous and scary and busy. I hope everyone else is just as busy as me!


November 13, 2008

You know I’ve started figuring out that because I write this stuff everyday.

I’m terribly critical. Of like…everyone. I have this thing, I hate having my time wasted. It makes me nuts. I spend my time being exhausted because I’ve got so much to do, and not enough time to do it.
It was good today, because we had this talk today, as well as having a couple meetings. I’m excited for what’s left to come…

…I just hope my body will keep up with me.

A Trip to Portland: The Chemistry, the People, the Continued Issues…

September 29, 2008

You know it’s funny. When I started planning this trip, I figured…it’s separation science. We do our best to make sure that things get separated effectively with good resolution, sensitivity, and selection. I’ve never been one to throw around my scientific prowess, or lack there of too much, and so for me personally….it was a chance to see if I was either alone in that fact…or not.

God bless my boss. I’ve got nothing against the guy, and he could have totally blown me off. He could have said no, I don’t want you to go, there’s no need, etc. He didn’t. He wrote a letter for me to get the travel award that I received (and almost left in the hotel!), listened to my consistent plans of me going up to Washington afterward, and let me take the week to sit, learn, and reflect on my path.

When I started in his lab, to say I was naive is an understatement. I had no idea of what I was getting myself into, and now looking back on it 2 years since, I now firmly believe it is the best thing I’ve done for my career yet. I started in this quest for forensic science because I was interested in helping the public, and they wouldn’t let me carry a gun, so I had to go and get the education, experience, and know how to do forensics. I will admit my ignorance goes well past my scientific endeavors, but one subject at a time. I think the best thing that this conference did was that I’ve surrendered myself to the chemistry gods. I will do my best, try my hardest, and hope for the best. I’m lucky in a way: I know this is a good method I just have to prove it now.

As for the adventure, it started shortly after I got off the plane. Have you ever had that feeling at baggage claim that you just knew that guy? I did this weekend. I couldn’t place him, but I knew he had been on tv. He was on the new class of Saved by the Bell, I can definitely say that. Don’t remember his name for the life of me though. He was standing at baggage claim! Now, here’s the thing that I figured out about all these actors. They all got tired of acting, decided that music was for them. So, they got rid of their clean cut haircuts, and moved on from there. There he was. I was starstruck, he was still cute. I can’t quite tell it’s just because I need “some” or what, but when he finally started talking to me, that was more than I could take. Even BETTER, was the fact that he asked me if I knew of the “high life” here in Portland. When I explained I was from DC that was enough for him. I got offered to hang out with the band and goof off for as long as I was here. Yea! I felt terrible. But…he was cute, and in the end, to a certain extent my hormones said screw it.*Post note: His name: Richard Lee Jackson, look him up, he’s cute!*

As if things had gotten any better…I got to the conference, couldn’t get into my boss’s talk, I was mad. So, as I’m sitting in the lobby of my extremely nice hotel (Red Lion on the River, Janzten Beach OR) here comes this extremely nice older gentleman. Explains that he’s from the University of Alberta, and was wondering what I was doing because one of his students wanted to go to a hockey game, and I would be his perfect excuse to get out of it. I laughed, and shrugged, figuring why not.

I’m so glad that I did. I will admit that the situation with S just fell into my hat. He was extremely sociable, attractive, I could go on, but am wondering if it’s just my overly estrogenated self, or the scenery that made everything terribly overwhelming. It was so hard NOT to flirt with him, I couldn’t help it. Weird thing was, he flirted back. He asked me about my mf, asked about work, my family, etc. He couldn’t quite understand why I would complain about mf being in Chicago and he explained that his gf was in Switzerland. I couldn’t imagine. I felt like such a fool. She doesn’t call except like once a week, I’m sure it’s expensive. I would be on the email like everyday, but no…not like that he says. I felt so bad. Sheepish almost for whining about mf.

I wonder though if that’s why we took such comfort in one another. That we were far away from the people we cared about, wanting to be with them, and figuring that being together wouldn’t be so bad. He didn’t need to voice his compliment, his presence was enough of a compliment for me. He looked for me when his day at the conference was done. It was nice. Sweet in a way that I hadn’t been treated in a long time. I think sometimes men forget about that stuff, and it’s disheartening. Mf made this decision alone…and it does hurt. Speaking of which…

I was pretty honest with mf. I never anticipated being able to be so vocal, but I figured, what the hell…what’s the worst thing that can happen, he’ll be mad, and that’s at least a sign of emotion. He wasn’t, which I’m sure he did on purpose, and it just made me miss him even more. We sure sent the summer out in style though, I’ll tell you that. I’m going to Chicago for my birthday. Part of me hopes that I don’t ruin it by being depressed, and part of me wonders if I shouldn’t care anymore.

S bought a ring for his gf. Not to keep her from going to Switzerland, more to give it to her after she gets back. It hurt my heart to feel that emotion coming off of him. I have pictures of me and mf and I know that he’s not thinking about that. It brings tears to my eyes, for purely selfish reasons. S was funny, he could feel the tension between us, and last night, our last full night at the conference he asked me at dinner about it. I was so digging the honesty thing that all I could say was,

“Let’s just put it this way, your girlfriend is very lucky.”

For a guy that had been talking my ear off the entire week up until then…he was rendered speechless. Expressed that was probably the nicest thing anyone had said to him in a long time. It made me start thinking.

I’m sitting on a train to Seattle from Portland. As this tremendously beautiful scenery passes me, I’m remembering how truly young this part of the country is compared to the east coast. How much I have left to see. How much I have left to do. I mean, they have real mountains out here that put the Appalachia to shame. What’s nice about this experience? It had shown me that more than anything, what this degree is giving me, is the opportunity, and knowhow…to take my research anyway I want it to go. To go to Canada and do research on stationary phases. Work with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, go to Torino Italy and work on methamphetamines, to stay in my backyard and work on LSD. It’s a tremendous feeling.

Back to what I was saying about me thinking though. I’ve never ventured too far, largely due to my disability, but also due to a fear of the unfamiliar.

It’s gone now. I mean, if you think about it, they have doctors here too. They’re just as good as they are at home. I’m starting to realize more and more that my fears are although rational, somewhat crazy at times.

I had a friend here online that said to me one time, “You find your happiness at home, or wherever you are, you’ll find your happiness again with mf if it’s meant to be.” I’m starting to wonder how true that really is. I have always been a flamboyant person, very quick to spill the emotion out. I can’t help it, it hurts almost to hold it in. I could have very well strayed this weekend. And, it felt good. It felt good to want that. I wonder sometimes if this is my destructive behavior back for a visit, but then again…

…part of me doesn’t care. I can guarantee that most of it is hormonal, and once again….don’t care. Feels good to feel good again. I’m happy for it. I think that although the work load is going to triple, it’s good. It’s right. And, I’m glad.

An Update of Sorts…

September 11, 2008

First, my apologizes to those that actually take your hard earned time to read my blog. I’ve been super busy. So, how do we catch people up?

Mf has moved. We moved him at the end of August, and I’m still trying to adjust.  It hurts on a daily basis.  It seems as if it’s such a delicate balance between being dependent upon someone for your emotional comfort, but them not being there. It’s hard to realize what to do next.

School sucks as well. I found out soon after that I was given a conditional pass so I’m not quite a doctoral candidate yet. *sigh* I have no insturment, I can’t progress, and so now I sit and write stuff like this because I don’t quite know what to do next.

So, I figured I’d share a video. Here goes:

Chemistry at work: That’s my boss!!!

July 30, 2008

My advisor and a woman that works in my lab! Yea Chemistry!

An Update of Sorts…

April 11, 2008

So, as the world of graduate school has progressed, I have got to tell you, I’m more than anything ready to be done with crazy people. For example…

…I sit in on my mentor’s analytical chemistry class. How and why do college kids somehow think it’s totally okay to show up for class 45 minutes into a hour 30 minute class….and then…walk in front of the professor and grab a piece of paper. Right in front, interrupt the lecture and everything.

It’s like people just don’t think. Second, I’m also a bit tired of the world of biology trying to merge with the world of chemistry a bit too much. What I mean is…in biology, it’s more important for everyone to have their own micropipetter, their own reagents, their own chemicals, largely because you’re more concerned about contamination. In spite of this, there’s someone that I have had the pleasure to work with recently, that she just can’t stand having to share anything. I hate it more than anything, because she’s not necessarily complaining to me, but she’s just a character….and I hear about it from a lot of people. That’s okay. I am okay with that, but now that I’m the “only” one that “isn’t” her friend…*ugh* are we in middle school again?

Middle school was bad enough for me because I didn’t have many friends, and I was dealing with my crazy birth defect. I don’t want to go back. At all. I think I just need to be more forgiving and understanding of people, and I do try. It’s interesting to see what will happen next.

I will tell you though, I was thinking about Charlotte the other day because I had to dress up for a talk I had to give in class. It was white on white shirt, and let me tell you the fat was rolling ladies the fat was rolling! I was so disappointed in myself, and not keeping myself in proper shape. I think that if Charlotte can do it with work, and craziness…so can I dammit.

Back to the gym next week, regardless of looking for an apartment, keeping things together for the man and school, and getting ready for my comprehensive. It’s that time of year people! I don’t honestly care about missing June…because yes folks the Panasonic Open is coming back to town! I will gracefully be in town for June if I know I can spend the whole weekend there!!!!!!!!!

That’s my update folks, I will say, as much as I’m not necessarily commenting, I am reading! So, keep writing, I need some distraction. 🙂

Low noises, chemistry, and being sleepy…

April 9, 2008

I don’t know why I ever thought that giving up caffeine was a good idea. I do try. I think it’s because with the thyroid thing, I put on so much weight. I know my man still thinks I’m attractive, but he’s quick to tell me that I’m not in the shape I used to be in. I can be, I’m just not right now. *sigh* It’s like I don’t already know that.  Things are still basically the same, he hasn’t found a job one way or the other yet, which is worrisome to both him and me, but I have all the confidence in the world that we’re just days away from hearing the news. It’s so dang on loud in this lab, it’s hard to concentrate.

Meanwhile, full force in the chem world, I’m preparing for my comprehensive exam. Fun fun you say. Why in the world we subject ourselves to stuff like this…I guess the world will never know.

On the good end. My parents rescued a dog. He’s *huge*. Adorable, but very large. I think they might call him buddy, but we shall see.  He’s a laberdoodle, with pictures to come soon.  However on that same front, I was told and I quote, “You should prepare yourself to walk away from school if he asks you to come with him, you should give up what you’re doing.”

So much for a supportive mom.