You know it’s interesting, I’m close to being in this relationship for a very long time now. It’s interesting now that we’re doing this long distance. The small things are getting to be very big. I don’t quite know if I’m really overreacting. That’s the thing.
See, here is the thing. I think to a certain extent, this is just truly the difference between men and women. Men will say one thing like, “Well my parents are going to be more important that weekend.”
What the woman hears, “You’re not important.”
I think there’s just a natural difference between men and women. It’s also that to a certain extent, women are bred to kind of do more than men in relationships. That men have themselves convinced that they don’t have to change and that they don’t have to modify how their daily lives are going at all except to add the woman into the equation.
We just don’t think like that as women. Modification to make the relationship work is what they tell you in those small conversations you’re supposed to have with the people in your life that “know”. That somehow men don’t get this conversation. They get, “Women are supposed to honor and obey.” It doesn’t make sense to me. So, now I’m struggling with this relationship due to the sheer unadulterated fact that I don’t see him as often as I would like to.
I did the right thing.
You know what happened?
Nothing.
Yes, that’s right nothing. Nothing changed.
We tried to get stuff to change, but still nothing has changed and I have a feeling that what I need to do is change it for myself and quit depending on him. Quit wondering if he will decide to take some initiative. He told me the other day that I shouldn’t be scared of losing him.
I didn’t have the heart to say that he should probably start worrying about losing me.
Tags: long distance, maryland, relationships, sadness, struggles
A place for the crutches to fly... 
March 1, 2009 at 6:57 pm |
I sincerely feel i could have written this. ****hugs*****
March 1, 2009 at 7:51 pm |
This was a very honest post. I felt your frustration and pain and it resonated with me. So much so, that it made me sad.
Long Distance Relationships are horrible. I’m in the grips of ending one right now and I assure you, based on all the crap I’ve been through, I’ll never do it again. It had become one of those creepy things you hear about on Dr. Phil. It became nothing but a virtual–emails, phone calls–plans to see each other that were always dashed at the last minute. I gave far more than I got and I felt I was conned (partly by him; partly because of my own insecurities) to staying in the damn thing. I was emotionally fractured at the time…as was he, I suppose and that kept me involved.
As women, we know when to leave and because we’re women, we often don’t leave, despite knowing that we should; that we have to. We know deep down inside that the relationship is stagnating but we worry if we’re letting a possible Mr. Right slip through our very fingers; we think that maybe he’ll change, and we fear never meeting another guy again.
My responses to those three female tennets? If he’s Mr. Right, things wouldn’t feel so wrong, he’ll never change–at least not on his own accord and we will meet someone else and as I venture deeper into my own emotional reformation, most of that possibility depends on us.
Perception is everything–including that which preceive about ourselves.
We love and as humans we are hardwired to seek that warm, fuzzy emotion. As women, we’re just hardwired to love differently and guys synaptically, just won’t ever understand that.
You already know what you need to do and by listening…really listening to the powerful triumerate of your head, your gut and your heart, you’ll do the right thing.
Best,
LK
March 1, 2009 at 11:17 pm |
Anyone who could write a male-to-female (and vice versa) translation book would be a bazillionaire.
Deep breaths, M.
March 3, 2009 at 6:23 am |
I want to write a long response here about the differences between men and women from the guy’s perspective, but I might get shot down mercilessly. š
Whatever the case, I hope that you’re able to work things out in such a way that is best for your heart.
March 3, 2009 at 4:15 pm |
GH: I wouldn’t do that to you. š Thankfully things are slowly working themselves out. Hopefully.I could be totally oblivious to it, but that’s what I think and I’m sticking to it dammit.