Being given away, a new controversy for weddings?

Now, don’t get me wrong…I’m a feminist in my own right, but I have got to say the new Swedish church in my book has it all wrong.

Okay so here’s the story. It can be seen first here, as well as here, here, and here.

Essentially it’s this: The Princess of Sweden, her name is Victoria has requested to be given away by her father. The Crown Princess. The Swedish Church has long since forgotten this tradition which started out of medieval routes (my opinion not the actual truth) of having fathers give their daughters to wealthy neighbors, friends, the like. While I applaud the Swedish Church for long having a process where the bride and groom actually process down the aisle together (thereby showing the equality in the marriage), I’ve got to admit this entire controversy has left me in a bit of a quandry.

The Princess is taking lots of flack for it, being judged as catering to “American films and entertainment” while this also ruffles my feathers being the somewhat patriotic person that I am, I must admit a few things at this passing.

One, I’m all for individuality. I’m more OffBeatthan some, more traditional than others. The princess has decided to not stick to the status quo, to dedicate part of her day to her father, and is getting all kinds of crap for it. Does this make her offbeat because she’s going against the church to do things her own way? Maybe so. Is this really honoring her father or just making a statement that her groom is a “commoner” so these traditions don’t really matter. Once again, hard to say.

Second, I’m a true daddy’s girl. I’ll admit it. I am. While I respect the plethora of Swedish brides that have come before me, and that I’m not a Swedish bride, I’m just desperately trying to understand why in the world you wouldn’t want to give your father a place of honor. I guess to me, a foolish American, don’t quite see what the fuss is about. My dad, well let’s put it this way, even if I’m under the assumption that it might in passing hurt my father’s feelings? Maybe? It like kills me. I could not bring myself to disappoint him in that way.

So, I’m left with this feeling. Perhaps just like in the Jezebel article, I’m just an American that runs traditions the way that trick-or-treat is still said at Halloween. It doesn’t mean anything anymore.

Right?

I was going to write about baseball today…but a little wedding issue arose that had to be taken care of…

So, I typically like to lean this blog towards my goings-on which inevitably center around science, love, and sports. Occasionally, family woes. So, all I can say to that is a little Los Angeles Love goes along way. Along with some fun and being in the rage it looks as if Jezebel, which I normally regard as fairly cool and a women-centric publication decided to go loopy and all crazy like with this article and then this douzy talking just how torturic the wedding business *cough*monopoly*hack* truly is.

Now, I have been really good about keeping my wedding planning predominantly to myself for two reasons. 1. I like surprises, and figure that my guests will as well. 2. I don’t think people care. That’s right folks, I know that some people read this blog and some don’t…but no one wants to read about a tom-boy turned girlie-girl blather on about dresses, flowers, centerpieces, linens, and what not. What gets me the most however, is the truly audacious nature that the articles tend to go after the wedding racket and not see the forest for the trees. Perhaps, let me explain.

My sister did things her own way, and she wanted things traditional, homey, and family-oriented. Her reception was right down the street from my parents house, she got married in the church that we grew up in. I kind of wrinkled my nose at the idea of being married in a church anyway, and decided once I was engaged to go my own way. Do my own thing…to a certain extent.

Let it also be said, I’m very lucky. VERY is the affirmative word to this. VERY lucky that I have talented friends that will design and print my stationary for minimal cost. Centerpieces are going to be taken care of by a very talented family friend. I spend at least 20-30 minutes at OffBeat Bride and Indie Bride for a reason. I believe in what you’ve said. The wedding business is a racket. ESPECIALLY in New York where it’s a competition to be in the Times for your announcement. My in-laws actually said we should put our announcement in as part of the competition. How do you explain to people that I know you read the New York Times but you’re not in NY???

The point withstanding here is this: I walked away from the wedding racket for one reason…I wanted this to be a thought provoking fun adventurous party that people would walk in the room and say, “Wow this is M and P, this is so them.” I wanted people saying that the entire evening. And, they will. What disturbs me the most about these articles is that Jezebel is supposed to be inherently nurturing in the female persuasion. Female power and all. There’s no word of the thousands of us that abhor wedding “events” and walk away from “tradition” and “etiquette” in lieu of buying local, doing it ourselves, and making things truly unique. You’re not going to find that great local artist to do your veil and one of your “events” Jezebel. You’re going to find it on Etsy, and through word of mouth. That’s what Ariel’s Wedding Porn is all about.

I disagree with you Jezebel. Those of us out there that are throwing weddings, is it really about the money? No. In the end if there was a way to get our entire family and friends together in one place for one reason, we’d be all for it. This is about us, not about wedding “expos” here in the DC areas, they make me wanna vomit to be honest. I was dragged forcibly, kicking and screaming (which on crutches is hysterical btw), to one just to “get ideas” and wanted to take a gun to my head.

Those of us that haven’t had our weddings planned since we were six have walked away from the common establishment. We have driven the stake (or the proverbial crutch in my case) in the ground and said no, we’re not going to have it. We’re throwing a kick-ass party and calling it a day. The people that love us and love that we’re together are going to be there screaming “ROCK ON!” when my physicist fiancee comes out to “Pretty Fly for a White Guy”. More importantly, we’re skimping, scrapping, eating PB&J everyday to make it possible and not be a burden to anyone.

It’s a shame you’ve fallen into the trap of believing in the establishment we all can’t stand.

P.S. I’m going to send this to the author at: jenna@jezebel.com

You should do the same.

Anxiety, Weddings, Romance

You know, when I sit down and write these at times, I don’t quite know what I’m going to say, so the fact that the title comes up more than not seems kind of crazy. What’s there to write if you mandate it by the title?
Do you remember that movie, “A Walk to Remember”? God it doesn’t matter if it’s mid afternoon or in the middle of the night if that movie is on I’ll sit down and watch it.

As I sat down and started watching it I started to think of things like this wedding, and everything else. I don’t know, it’s one of those things that you’re just sitting down and figure out how women versus men think..it goes back to the movie.

I miss that type of romance. I miss it a lot. It never ceases to amaze me that men start out different relationships that they are terribly romantic and go out of their way to make sure that you fall head over heels in love with them. Then, suddenly, it disappears. No more romantic phone calls, no more sweet words, no more nice emails, nothing. There’s such a feeling of loss at that point. Now that I’m planning this wedding by myself and the feeling of being alone is greater than ever.

It sucks. It’s like men feel like the work has somehow ended and they have the right to ignore you and just assume you’re going to be around.

It’s sad. I’m going through so much with this wedding. My mom asked me why I don’t want a full service for the wedding. How do you express to your mother that loves you and cherishes you that you don’t nearly have the stance in religion that she has? I never wanted the full service. I still don’t. I think that to a certain extent it takes away from what I want. I want to be able to dance with my soon to be husband on our wedding day.

There’s a lot of wants, that are all down to me.

Scary hmm?

For GH, an introspection on men and women and how we act together…

So, the other day, GH who writes a fabu blog over on the west side of the country was scribbling about his birthday, getting older, you know how it goes.

And I think that my exact comment was, “Women can’t handle you.”
Of course, he didn’t quite know what I meant, so I figured that I would scribble this down in the hopes of making myself more understood. Given that there are probably more than 3,000 miles between us this internet friendship needs to be fostered based on words…so hopefully I get this right.

What I meant by that statement was largely two fold.
1. I was told for years two things, a. That men find a smart women overwhelmingly intimidating. Same thing for if we know our sports. It’s like a guy thing. It’s hard to know what to say when a woman comes up to a man apparently, and knows more than them. But, in my defense, Mystery, the Pickup Artist extraordinaire stated that this only makes the male pick up artist’s work that much easier. Guess the rationale being that if I do the work for the guy, he can just sit back and relax. With that being said, I think sometimes when you’re just a bit too much for a woman, too smart, too straightforward, too aggressive, it does scare people away. My perspective of my buddy on the Westside is that he’s a rather introspective guy, deep in his own thoughts, and it often takes a lot for a woman, man, whomever to get to know him on a level worthwhile to investigating a relationship.

2. Sometimes when initially meeting either a woman or a man, initial impressions hold true throughout. It’s an odd situation, but let’s be honest…a good majority of the impression that you make on someone is based on the first 30 seconds that you see them. It’s an odd component. Take the other night. I went down to Little Havana with some girlfriends, the only and I mean the ONLY impression that I made on this fairly attractive man was based on the fact that I smiled at him when he walked in the door. He knew I was watching him all night, he was paying attention. I think however, this area is distinct. We have had a couple surveys done (both in Cosmo and Maxim) saying that the Baltimore/Washington D.C. area is the best area in the country to be single. The worst? You guessed it…LA. The reasons? I guess from what I’ve read, people in LA are very into how they look, how things look to other people.

My point? It’s can’t be the easiest place to live when you’re single. The more I spend watching people and chitchatting with both men and women the more I’m convinced that I should have gone into psychology. Ah well. I’d be interested to see what GH has to say about this. My entire point a lot of times, including the post-doc I met the other night who was, albeit with a beard, mildly attractive, I gotta tell you if you’re the person that you are regardless it will bode better for you than if you try and be the person that you envision the other wants. This I can actually speak from experience. I’m no Christy Brinkley, or even Zoe Deschanel, and have always had a chip on my shoulder for a health problem that I could never quite control. However, I’ve been doing okay in the dating scene, that now I’m engaged and happy as a clam.

How did that happen? I figured out one thing. I can’t fake it. I can’t make it up that I’m the person that particular man wants. I’m only the person that I am, I can’t change who I am, despite how hard I try.

That’s about it. By the way, I’m bad about editing, so sorry.

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout ~ Coping with the past

So, I gotta tell you, my car has never looked the same. Yes folks, Slumber Parties is finally dead in the W household. Not that the company is a bad thing, just not a fit for me. It’s like fast money, well there are plenty of industries out there. It’s an interesting thing because I tried to use that as a way to have a certain lifestyle while I was starting graduate work.

How wrong I was man. But, life moves on and you do your own thing right? It’s interesting, as I start to clear out the stuff from that business I realize at times how much I’ve made horrific decisions and been completely fine, or like in that case, I’ve made decisions and they’ve blown up in my face. I have been reading this great book about remarkably a woman that spend a lot of time stripping, and it made me feel like that to a certain extent. Going down to the core of what makes me a woman, and breaking myself up. It was weird because not unlike stripping, all I was thinking about was the money. It didn’t make sense.

So, life moves on. Or it doesn’t. It’s funny, everything is in limbo because of this crazy proposal. My wedding planning, me getting finished with school, moving, everything. It’s on hold for one paper that I feel like to a certain extent I’ve been pouring my soul into. It’s still not right. It’s almost as if the pressure is getting to me.

An Update of Sorts Part II…or Three…or whatever it is.

So, I will admit in the past two weeks I have been bad with updating. Things have been hectic, crazy, and busy, but delightfully so. I am currently in the process of finishing my research proposal and although I really wish that it could be done sooner rather than later, I’m back at the bench fixing all the problems that were created because I took sometime to write.

A bit of good news and words on everything that’s been going on in the media, life, etc.

My 5th anniversary came and went with some fantastic news. I went out to Chicago, we had a great weekend me and my hunny, and we got engaged. I was SHOCKED. Like blown away surprised, ecstatic actually. It was a night to remember and I am forever grateful to my sweetie for giving it to me. That being said, there’s currently no plans in the works for the wedding as I’m in the midst of proposal planning above.

Okay, so a few current events:
Ann Coulter can suck it for all I care, I don’t really like the woman. She was on Good Morning America today talking about the Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor. I gotta tell you despite your political affiliation, it’s interesting to watch that stuff because between her and James Carville, well I have to tell you that the Southern gentleman of James Carville wins out everytime for me. Sotomayor’s nomination is only a day old and people are already giving her the nod like it doesn’t have to go through a process. I’m all for Obama, I think he’s doing a decent job, but cmon. I’m applauding his choice, but something seems fishy to me.

Onto yes your favorite family and mine…
Jon and Kate Plus 8 premiered their 5th season this Monday, and then rebroadcasted again last night. I was grateful that my girl Missy called because if that isn’t a train wreck I don’t know what is. I’ll admit it, I used to watch the show. The kids are cute, and it’s an interesting look at people trying to take care of sextuplets as well as two twin girls. Now, initially, it really was interesting, a good perspective, they aren’t that far north of me being in Bucks County, PA. After all the media hype of Jon’s alleged affair and how they are starting to pull apart….well it’s just sad. I’m a huge fan of reality TV but then there’s train wreck TV. From reports that I’ve read, there was visual hostility that instead of sitting in their favorite loveseat together, they were barely touching barely looking.

Kate, you’re my age. I know it’s a different lifestyle, you’re trying to take care of your family, your kids, your husband. But, other than your hairstyle, which isn’t terrible, you’ve got to give it up. Perhaps it’s time to walk away from TLC. Now, I know what you’re thinking. The Duggars have a very successful show, why can’t we?

You have your successful show. I hope that you guys have enough money at this point to at least attempt to start a nice college fund for the girls and the sextuplets, but for now…you’ve got to work on your marriage.

Just an outsider looking in. Oh, and on that note…shame on you TLC. Shame on you.

Meanwhile, a report out of Tampa Bay said that a suburban couple was arrested today of multiple counts of possession with the intention to distribute illegal steroids and the district is still ringing. The couple implicated both the Washington Capitals and Nationals in the bust, saying they had sold to key players on both teams. Now, let’s be honest. With the worst record in the Major Leagues right now…is anyone really worried about the Nationals and if they took steroids? Which I’ve got to admit, I highly doubt given their stupendous record. But, yup you guessed it…why the only team that has won in DC in a long time do you go after the beloved Caps?

Dick Patrick, president of the Washington Capitals came out vehemently against the allegation. I’m sure Ted Leonsis will do the same. I’m confident…for now. I’ve been disappointed before.

Helio Castroneves won the Indianapolis 500 the other day right after coming out from under accusations of alleged tax fraud charges. He was so happy he cried. His sister, mother, the entire family in tears. Danica Patrick finished 3rd.

Guess that’s it from here at home. I’ll be in and out for a while, I’ve been doing my best to stay sane. I’ll keep ya’ll updated.

Something’s going to happen ~ Chances are 50/50 they’re going to be pretty good…

“and I’m willing to take that risk.”

I’ve got to tell you, for someone that has been dealing with a disorder for longer than the other part of her life, I saw Michael J Fox on Actor’s Studio tonight.

He brought me to tears. He deals with the pain with a seemingly relative ease. States that it’s terribly painful, but moves on. Moves up, gets past it. There is something so wildly refreshing from that. I have always felt to a certain extent that when people would tell me, “Oh you’re so strong.” I would like laugh it off. I guess now I need to start saying thank you. It was one of those things that you just do.
What are you going to do?
With any disorder that you have to deal with, it’s one of those things…it’s hard to say…harder even to explain.
No one tells you “Oh you’re going to die.” No one tells you how or what to do next. You go to school, and people try and extract you out and holler at you, and all you can do..honestly, is just go on. Fight.Fight really really hard. Everything becomes very aggressive and it becomes a “Screw you” or get screwed type of persona. I think to a certain extent that’s why I become so aggressive towards things.

I am firmly convinced that is why I’m with my bf to this day. I was aggressive towards how I felt for him for one reason and one reason only.

I knew in my heart that if I didn’t tell him how I felt I would never forgive myself. I would eternally hurt in my heart if I didn’t let him know that my heart yearned for him.

It’ll be 5 years on Saturday.

My heart still hurts every time he parts from my company.

A lesson in good business practices…

I’ve got to come out and commend Sports Authority for stepping up to the challenge and helping those of us out here with mobility issues. For those of you that don’t know, my girl Marin defended her dissertation Monday. We went out and partied at the Metropolitan (Go Fed Hill go!) and my sole literally came up and off my tevas. Now, given my crutchiness, I basically need Teva’s or something with a rugged durability to prevent myself from shattering bones. I rarely wear flipflops places because I’m scared of hurting myself the way I did in the mall that year. That’s a story for another time though.

So, I was in the midst of replacing my Teva’s. I walked into the Dicks, they had nothing. I went to the Sports Authority as a last ditch effort, and low and behold…beautiful new Teva’s. I said…okay M….and I walked right up to the manager, explained how long I had been on crutches and could he help me out?

This is the 2nd time this same sports authority (For baltimore folks, it’s on Rt. 40, Catonsville) has helped me out by selling me two left shoes. I paid full price for them, and didn’t care…these shoes will last me lifetimes, and I don’t have recent additions to my right foot graveyard.

That being said: Shop early, shop often, shop online. They are a company to support and acknowledge for their help to the disabled. Thanks Sports Authority.

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout: I at this point wonder…

How I’m slowly but surely losing my faith in humanity. So, just to catch people up:

I’m officially done the “testing” part of my “testing” in my dissertation. But, there’s a catch. My advisor decided that he didn’t want to “retest” me, and decided instead to use my research proposal as my “test”. This has put entirely way too much weight on this proposal and I’m basically getting and shelling out nothing but grief. I’ve got to hand it to myself, I’m freaking out over this way more than the concept of just taking an oral exam.

I recognize as an adult I can totally walk away from this and be totally fine, but given the fact that I’ve chased this forensic science dream for so long, and for so hard, the idea of walking away from it at square zero and starting all over again…well, it’s annoying as crap.

I also wonder how my other students get by with all the crap. I’ve got to tell ya, I don’t teach, have been lucky to be on a research assistantship the entire time, and although I have had huge issues with money, and at this point spend way too much on commas…well, I have colleagues in the department that I work in and they teach, have research issues just like I do, have personal issues and other things just like I do, and they’re fine. They also have not one, not two, but three oral exams all at once. I think if they knew it was coming, it wouldn’t be so bad.

It’s hard to say. All I know is that I’m now at the point that not only do I have a short temper, but I’m also starting to figure a couple things out. I’m now at the point that I feel like I’ve been there too long, and I’m overly aggressive towards my work. I’m glad that people are graduating around me, as they are getting their own stuff done…but I would really like to be amongst them, whether they are ahead of the average or not.
I feel like to a certain extent, when I get to the point where I truly hate it…like passionately hate it, I’ll go. Regardless of my bf being in the midwest, for us struggling through a long distance relationship.

It’s odd…for once. In almost 33 years….it’s about me.

Odd hmm??

Bringing curiousity to the masses…

So, I wanted to parlay a story that I read in today’s addition of the Explore Howard. See here for the actual story.

So, let me take you back to 2007. Kirk Mercer was driving home from work on the Baltimore beltway, like hundreds of people in this area do everyday. Coming from Liberty Road, he interacted with Michele Bosley who was driving at 60 mph, and passed out behind the wheel of her car. They crashed and Mercer was killed. Bosley’s sodium level had dropped to dangerous levels due to an anti-epilepsy drug she was taking to prevent seizures and that’s why she passed out.

Today, Bosley was sentenced to 10 months home detention, 5 years probation, and a 10 year suspended prison sentence. However, the judge in the case said that if she ever gets behind the wheel of a car again he’ll throw her into jail faster than she can start the engine.

I was conflicted when I read this article. Why you ask? Is it a tragedy? Absolutely. Is it terrible that Mercer’s children will never get to experience their father first hand in their adult years? Yes. Could it have been prevented?

Maybe.

As much as I’m a firm believer that any disability should not prevent you from the daily goings on of your life or what you want to accomplish, I know that I was taught the day that I started having problems with my health that to a certain extent you have to know when to say when. It’s a horrific loss of independence, but you think you might have seizures, you don’t drive. But, to play devils advocate here…they didn’t go into this in the story but it made me wonder.

Was she 1 year seizure free? 5? 10? 6 months? If she was seizure free, it would lead me to assume as a patient that I was okay to drive. It’s like taking medication. If you’ve been on narcotics forever for chronic pain, driving won’t be an issue, right? Or maybe it will. That’s the thing. Medication, not unlike most things is only as good for the person after trial and error. If there wasn’t therapeutic drug monitoring, people like me wouldn’t be employable. But, here’s the thing about this.

I feel like to a certain extent I take an additional burden on by being disabled and a science PhD student. It’s as if I’m not only getting my PhD for myself and my career, but for the disabled community. That somehow we can “do it”. I know it seems silly when it comes out here written all out like that, but cmon. How many disabled professors have you seen on college campuses? Not many right? So when this article came up today, it left me conflicted for a couple reasons.

1. I feel like to a certain extent, I don’t have a disability that will put another person in bodily harm. Now, if you’re walking in front of me down the stairs and I trip and fall down the stairs….yes I’m taking you with me. However, I will admit even myself there have been times that I have been in unrelenting pain while driving and there’s not a dang on thing I can do except scream and scream because I’m in the 3rd lane and out of four you don’t want to pull over on the shoulder of the fast lane and changing lanes twice just seems like something to concentrate on other than driving and not killing anyone.

2. In the law, I wonder if there are clauses of blame without neglect. Meaning, yes this person did something. But, was it true neglect? She was taking her medication regularly. The medication was the problem. How could one judge tell one person that they are truly responsible after that?

3. If I had sat in that womans shoes, I don’t think I could ever live with myself. Now, this isn’t something like the tragedy of last summer it’s different. That was with blame.

So, I am curious. Is the woman at fault? Should she go on disability and not work? Find another way to work? She’s being a productive part of society and something tragic has happened.

Meanwhile, I must add a quick recommendation here to the ladies of Shapely Prose some resourceful women that linked the great piece I saw in Jezebel the other day about dressing your shape. Bravo ladies for good work out of Chicagoland my home away from home.

Speaking of Chicagoland, go check out Ask Men.com’s Top 29 places to live. It will give you some good insight ladies.