I was going to write about baseball today…but a little wedding issue arose that had to be taken care of…

So, I typically like to lean this blog towards my goings-on which inevitably center around science, love, and sports. Occasionally, family woes. So, all I can say to that is a little Los Angeles Love goes along way. Along with some fun and being in the rage it looks as if Jezebel, which I normally regard as fairly cool and a women-centric publication decided to go loopy and all crazy like with this article and then this douzy talking just how torturic the wedding business *cough*monopoly*hack* truly is.

Now, I have been really good about keeping my wedding planning predominantly to myself for two reasons. 1. I like surprises, and figure that my guests will as well. 2. I don’t think people care. That’s right folks, I know that some people read this blog and some don’t…but no one wants to read about a tom-boy turned girlie-girl blather on about dresses, flowers, centerpieces, linens, and what not. What gets me the most however, is the truly audacious nature that the articles tend to go after the wedding racket and not see the forest for the trees. Perhaps, let me explain.

My sister did things her own way, and she wanted things traditional, homey, and family-oriented. Her reception was right down the street from my parents house, she got married in the church that we grew up in. I kind of wrinkled my nose at the idea of being married in a church anyway, and decided once I was engaged to go my own way. Do my own thing…to a certain extent.

Let it also be said, I’m very lucky. VERY is the affirmative word to this. VERY lucky that I have talented friends that will design and print my stationary for minimal cost. Centerpieces are going to be taken care of by a very talented family friend. I spend at least 20-30 minutes at OffBeat Bride and Indie Bride for a reason. I believe in what you’ve said. The wedding business is a racket. ESPECIALLY in New York where it’s a competition to be in the Times for your announcement. My in-laws actually said we should put our announcement in as part of the competition. How do you explain to people that I know you read the New York Times but you’re not in NY???

The point withstanding here is this: I walked away from the wedding racket for one reason…I wanted this to be a thought provoking fun adventurous party that people would walk in the room and say, “Wow this is M and P, this is so them.” I wanted people saying that the entire evening. And, they will. What disturbs me the most about these articles is that Jezebel is supposed to be inherently nurturing in the female persuasion. Female power and all. There’s no word of the thousands of us that abhor wedding “events” and walk away from “tradition” and “etiquette” in lieu of buying local, doing it ourselves, and making things truly unique. You’re not going to find that great local artist to do your veil and one of your “events” Jezebel. You’re going to find it on Etsy, and through word of mouth. That’s what Ariel’s Wedding Porn is all about.

I disagree with you Jezebel. Those of us out there that are throwing weddings, is it really about the money? No. In the end if there was a way to get our entire family and friends together in one place for one reason, we’d be all for it. This is about us, not about wedding “expos” here in the DC areas, they make me wanna vomit to be honest. I was dragged forcibly, kicking and screaming (which on crutches is hysterical btw), to one just to “get ideas” and wanted to take a gun to my head.

Those of us that haven’t had our weddings planned since we were six have walked away from the common establishment. We have driven the stake (or the proverbial crutch in my case) in the ground and said no, we’re not going to have it. We’re throwing a kick-ass party and calling it a day. The people that love us and love that we’re together are going to be there screaming “ROCK ON!” when my physicist fiancee comes out to “Pretty Fly for a White Guy”. More importantly, we’re skimping, scrapping, eating PB&J everyday to make it possible and not be a burden to anyone.

It’s a shame you’ve fallen into the trap of believing in the establishment we all can’t stand.

P.S. I’m going to send this to the author at: jenna@jezebel.com

You should do the same.

Tales of a Wannabe Bride?

So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog. It has been busy since about May, since we got engaged. It’s been an interesting dynamic trying to plan this wedding. I feel like I need to make sure that I retitle this blog tales of a wannabe bride because in the end that’s what this is becoming. I’m tall and proud when it comes to my family, and his family dynamic is well….really different.
It’s largely because they have different priorities. They prioritize everything over family and it’s one of those things that I just can’t seem to get past. Its work over family. I’m just not used to it. Guess it’s something that just kind of happens a lot. But, wedding planning is progressing nicely, we’re working on getting bridesmaids dresses done, tuxes are chosen, I have a dress, a caterer, a reception hall, photographer, and a church. Now, I’ve got to pick a DJ, flowers, cake, you know it never ends.
Then of course there’s school. With the wedding approaching a lot quicker than I would like it too, I must admit that it’s an easy distraction. But, I’m not doing nearly as well as I should be doing largely because I’m distracted, busy, and well, busy. I feel like to a certain extent I’m doing too much and I need to sit down and pay attention, aka why I haven’t been writing this blog nearly as much as I should.
Thanksgiving was nice, and we hit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. It was a fun trip and that museum is way too much to see in one day. The interactive displays alone would take one day. U23D was out of this world and made me feel better for missing their show this year in DC. Bruce Springsteen had 2 entire floors, with the history and dynamic of rock and roll taking up a good entire basement of the pyramid building nestled right behind the Science Center and next to the new Browns Stadium.
Its cold up here in them there hills, a lot different than it is in Maryland where I’ll admit, we’re still waiting for winter to come. I’m happy to keep waiting so take that for what it is. I’m going to end up getting parking for the winter, it might not be worth the price, but if it will save me the trouble when the ice sets in, I’ll be happy.
It’s an interesting change from when I used to post all the time. I think I was trying to avoid the pain of real life and the true reality that my sweetheart isn’t here, and until I finish this PhD, he won’t be. We’re not likely to stay in the DC area, and that although depressing will be an interesting and dynamic change. For the both of us. He’s got a much harder road to hoe than I do for a full time position, so I guess it all just depends on how you want to deal with things. I’m dealing with rough stuff now he’ll be dealing with it later.
Ah well, flights boarding. Guess I need to get going. I’ll try my best to stay updated. I’ve been really bad with it recently because things are so busy and I’ll admit that NaBloPoMo basically passed with me not missing it too much. Guess times change.

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout ~ I miss my sister…

You know, it’s interesting. I’ve had a birth defect well, since birth, but they figured it out when I was 8. Well, after my sister had children…she developed such bad GI problems that she was in and out of better for what felt like years. So, when she went gluten, whey, and lactose free, as a family I have struck out to make sure that she feels included.

Because I gotta tell you, there’s nothing worse than not being included. I know that when I am at school and everyone is playing softball, going out and doing stuff I am NEVER included. It’s largely because of my age, it’s also because of my disability. Not a bad thing, just sayin’. I don’t think there’s a person in my department that would acknowledge that it was done on purpose, but still.

So, I got all excited that I found this place online…CakeLove and it was one of those things that I was all excited because they had Vegan and Gluten-Free varieties, I knew I just KNEW that what a FABU idea to get chocolate cupcakes for my sister.

Boo. I drive my butt to Canton, and let me tell you driving to Canton I hate driving to Canton. There’s just not a good way to get there. It’s always either traffic laden because it’s a rather up scale neighborhood, or it’s just constant red lights. So, I drive out there, and low and behold talk to the guy and they have vegan cupcakes! So exciting! With Wheat flour. *ugh* So, I ask the gluten-free cupcakes…yes mam, we have them they say.
With milk in the batter and in the icing.

I can’t win for losing. So, this was a blast from the past for my sister. Don’t take the first line personally. I don’t mean that. 😛 It’s just a song that always makes me think of her.

Randomness in No Particular Order

1. It’s fucking cold out. I can’t imagine you suckers out in the midwest dealing with this since the beginning of December. It’s January, the midst of the little weather that I have here in MD, and I want to get off already. I think about bf being out in Chitown, and all I want to do is shiver.

2. There’s nothing nicer than having my parents over for dinner. My dad and I had the nicest time last night. That damn puzzle just won’t finish itself. I don’t get it.

3. I wonder if it’s true sometimes, now that we’ve been living apart for 4 months, if absence does make the heart grow fonder. My bf was here for 2 weeks, and my heart shattered again when he left. It’s odd too. I get mean. Like MEAN when crap like this happens.

4. After 32 years, I’ve realized that Maryland isn’t necessarily the best place in the whole world. I’m not saying that it ain’t great, it is…just saying that sometimes it’s not as blissful when you’re away from the people you care about.

5. Escaping can be a good thing. But, given that I heard on the news the other day that Arizona got snow…I have no where to hide.

6. Good data can make your entire week, bad data the next day can make you suicidal.

7. Turned in my first re-write, here’s moving on to all things alcohol!

8. Perhaps I should just get used to being in the return line. Christmas was wonderful, but those skinny jeans just aren’t my thing anymore. Damn swelling bs leg.

9. Moving on should be the token phrase for 2009.

10. And finally, I know I know, the entire world is in love with Barack Obama. And, as much as I’m excited for the new presidency, this whole BS whistle stop tour is going to immobilize this area for almost a whole week and it’s going to be a MAD HOUSE. Oh, and let me also take this time to give a big FU to Southwest airlines for increasing fares to Chicago because Barack is from there and so people will be flying back and forth. Thanks for NOTHING. Thankfully Ma will not be at work the day before or the day of inauguration. I will happily be watching the chaos from the comfort of my own home.

Like J said, I think 10’s enough for today. Happy New year!

A bit of Christmas Thought…

So, I was trying to figure out what I was going to write about, and fell upon this. I had a friend that wrote that instead of writing a resolution each year (which I abhor) pick a word, be that word, than do that word, and you’ll than live that word. I started thinking of everything that has happened this year.
We lost my sis’s FIL to a terrible bout of cancer.
Bf graduated with a PhD in theoretical nuclear physics.
Bf got a job in Chicago.
We lost my sis’s SIL due to violence.
Bf moved to Chicago.
Aunt’s sick.
Ma’s sick.

You find yourself in an interesting situation where there’s nothing you can do. If I could take away my families variety of illnesses, allergies, and diseases, and just be the sick one, for which the label has stuck for a while, I would.
I can’t. I can’t take the pain away as much as I would want to, I can’t take the hurt, anger, anxiety, and depression away for the various losses and struggles that our household has dealt with this year.
On the good side, work is going well (knock on wood please) and although I am not through my re-writes yet, I’m getting there, and the separation that I’m developing might actually come to fruition. I’m excited for the prospects of this method, excited for what’s next to come in my research. I have issues with not wanting to move forward, things aren’t going quick enough, can’t we do two steps in once…so I decided on my word for 2009.

Realistic.

I know a few people that have picked nouns, and I picked realistic for a couple reasons.
I need to be realistic in my own health care, and those of others.
I need to be realistic that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will this method.
I need to be realistic that as much as I would like people to cater to my every whim, I need to stand up, be an adult, and do it myself.
I need to be realistic that sometimes, I’m just not right.
I need to be realistic that despite not wanting to hurt people, I sometimes do.
I need to be realistic of the future.
I’m anxious for this year to be done and over, but on the same time, am still searching for that St. Nick feel.
Perhaps a trip to the 3400 block of 34th Street is in order.
Santa hat anyone?

Yes, Yes: Two Post Day

A bad foot day sprung upon me yesterday, and due to that, you will receive a grand total of two posts today due to my ever changing need to appeal to my slim or not reading audience. The UMBC Doctoral Recognition Ceremony was last night and I acted as paparazzi for the group. Let me tell you, it’s so interesting when you look at other cultures, as to why this stuff is only important to us americante’s.  This ceremony was predominantly a pat on the back to those in the department that had made the step from being the pre-doctoral to doctoral candidate.  It’s a test that needs to be taken. I’ll admit that I’ve taken it, and need to complete a few re-writes so that my conditional pass will become a full pass.

Bummer I know.

I had this whole idea last night, and in true mel fashion what did I do? You guessed it, fell asleep after eating a salad dinner. At least I’m losing weight due to my lack of finances, I guess that’s better than the gym. (I’m kidding, honest.)  I haven’t actually cooked a meal at my house this week, and I have a feeling that the trend will continue as my boyfriend will be in town this weekend.  The more and more I spend time without him, the more and more I realize that we might actually be able to pull this off. We had it out the other night because he didn’t remember that I was going to be in the paper (see my 30 Daze entry) because he had more “important” things on his mind.

I gotta say men amuse the living crap out of me sometimes. I’ve always been amused, my poor bf, his explanation is:

“Well I don’t keep track of your schedule.”

I had only talked about the situation since the reporter got a hold of me.  I said to him, “Look, I am not interested in theoretical physics, and I ask constantly about it. I hate ultimate frisbee, and I hang with those guys and go watch you play, I hate board gaming, ask about it all the time. I don’t ask you to be interested in chemistry, to be interested in law, forensics, I don’t really care if you don’t like any of that. I had been talking about being in the paper for a WEEK. It’s coming out on election day, I asked you to pay attention to ONE thing.”

He held firm till the next day. I said, “Well, at least you realized for ONCE you were wrong.”

It’s amazing that there are times that I think that we’re not going to make it through this long distance thing. That I’m ready to kill him because I just can’t take his laissez-faire attitude about my life and his existence in it. To him, he’s not involved with me during the week. Yet he calls EVERY day, and we talk a lot.  He doesn’t understand why I don’t feel the same way.  I don’t get it.

Meanwhile, on the family front:

Ma’s feeling better, thankfully she’s starting to emerge back into her old self. We talked briefly about it and she said that she just didn’t want me to see her in such pain. I was like “Ma, it would have been like the Terms of Endearment moment” she started laughing. I sware, I think that there are times that my family (yes K, sorry you’re included in this) truly underestimate what I can do domestically. I am so willing to step in because I want to make sure that they realize that I’m a firm part of this family and I will be there. Regardless.  I am doing my best to watch over my sis while still taking as good a care of myself as I can.

I need to send the word out that I need christmas lists early this year. *sigh* I think that’s the only way I’m going to get it all done.

Work continues to be…work.

I’ll be scribbling later my post that I meant to write last night.

An Interesting 1st Day

So, as NaBloPoMo started today, I didn’t feel like I had much to write about initially.

Till Ma got sick.  I find myself in an interesting predicament with her being sick. My mother has been there since day one of my birth defect and how it has degenerated and how it has affected my life. Even now, I’m 32 years old, she talks on a daily basis about what she can do for me.

She contemplated not even calling me.  Said I would worry.

Well no kidding!!!!!!! But, we’re her kids, we’re supposed to worry right? It made me confused. Then I figured it out.

She doesn’t want us to worry, because she’s so independent.

She doesn’t want to bother anyone, because she’s sick, and can’t bring herself to ask for help.

Doesn’t necessarily want help.

Needs to be alone to heal.

Just showed me one thing:

Maybe the saying is true.

I’m becoming my mother.

A Life Cut Short ~ An Update

An Update on Christen Hawkins case

They arrested someone. Please keep the fam in your thoughts. The wound is probably still very fresh.

Missin’ her…

My sis has been gone for a little less than a month.

I miss our daily phone calls.

Even though we don’t say much.
I miss her boys…all of them, yes that’s even you Randy.
I’m glad they are having fun, and I want them to have as much fun as they can possibly have.
Still miss em.
Don’t come home soon or nothin’, darlin.
We’re thinkin’ of ya.

A Life Cut Short

So, if you get to the point that you were wondering where I was, here goes nothing.

My brother in law might as well be my brother for how long that I have known him. We’ve known his family for a very long time. His only sister is 12 years younger than him. We’ve known her since she was so little. We knew that things weren’t going well. She had such trouble coming out of high school. She got into drugs, had a lot of problems, but she was going through things with her friends. So, things were getting better, she had gotten into rehabilitation, and there was hope. Real hope.

She was found in Laurel Riverfront Park the day after Memorial Day. She had been stabbed multiple times, and bled out on the walkway behind a church, behind a pool that was filled the entire day of Memorial Day Monday. My father called, and I literally thought he was kidding. I spent the afternoon in front of the Medical Examiner’s office just because I didn’t quite know what else to do, or to say.

I got hung up on by my sister, and snapped at when I called back. No one wanted to talk, no one knew what to do, what to say.

The viewing was yesterday, and to say it was hard is an understatement. She was 21, and three months pregnant. Such a tragedy. Such a loss, no one wants this to happen, despite the life she once lead.

Christen Heidi Hawkins was a light in a lot of people’s eyes. Darling, I’m sorry for ever thinking ill of you, thank you for being a sister, a daughter, and a friend to those that loved you.

You will be missed.

Here are a couple of links that are of news stories, including the one in the Baltimore Examiner.

Baltimore Examiner Article

WTOP Section

NBC 4

Fox 5

Police Press Release
Anyone that knows ANYTHING is URGED HIGHLY to contact the City of Laurel Police. A reward is being offered for information leading to the arrest of whoever did this. Please let me know, and please spread the word, you don’t have to leave your name.