Tales of a Wannabe Bride?

So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted on this blog. It has been busy since about May, since we got engaged. It’s been an interesting dynamic trying to plan this wedding. I feel like I need to make sure that I retitle this blog tales of a wannabe bride because in the end that’s what this is becoming. I’m tall and proud when it comes to my family, and his family dynamic is well….really different.
It’s largely because they have different priorities. They prioritize everything over family and it’s one of those things that I just can’t seem to get past. Its work over family. I’m just not used to it. Guess it’s something that just kind of happens a lot. But, wedding planning is progressing nicely, we’re working on getting bridesmaids dresses done, tuxes are chosen, I have a dress, a caterer, a reception hall, photographer, and a church. Now, I’ve got to pick a DJ, flowers, cake, you know it never ends.
Then of course there’s school. With the wedding approaching a lot quicker than I would like it too, I must admit that it’s an easy distraction. But, I’m not doing nearly as well as I should be doing largely because I’m distracted, busy, and well, busy. I feel like to a certain extent I’m doing too much and I need to sit down and pay attention, aka why I haven’t been writing this blog nearly as much as I should.
Thanksgiving was nice, and we hit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland. It was a fun trip and that museum is way too much to see in one day. The interactive displays alone would take one day. U23D was out of this world and made me feel better for missing their show this year in DC. Bruce Springsteen had 2 entire floors, with the history and dynamic of rock and roll taking up a good entire basement of the pyramid building nestled right behind the Science Center and next to the new Browns Stadium.
Its cold up here in them there hills, a lot different than it is in Maryland where I’ll admit, we’re still waiting for winter to come. I’m happy to keep waiting so take that for what it is. I’m going to end up getting parking for the winter, it might not be worth the price, but if it will save me the trouble when the ice sets in, I’ll be happy.
It’s an interesting change from when I used to post all the time. I think I was trying to avoid the pain of real life and the true reality that my sweetheart isn’t here, and until I finish this PhD, he won’t be. We’re not likely to stay in the DC area, and that although depressing will be an interesting and dynamic change. For the both of us. He’s got a much harder road to hoe than I do for a full time position, so I guess it all just depends on how you want to deal with things. I’m dealing with rough stuff now he’ll be dealing with it later.
Ah well, flights boarding. Guess I need to get going. I’ll try my best to stay updated. I’ve been really bad with it recently because things are so busy and I’ll admit that NaBloPoMo basically passed with me not missing it too much. Guess times change.

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout ~ Coping with the past

So, I gotta tell you, my car has never looked the same. Yes folks, Slumber Parties is finally dead in the W household. Not that the company is a bad thing, just not a fit for me. It’s like fast money, well there are plenty of industries out there. It’s an interesting thing because I tried to use that as a way to have a certain lifestyle while I was starting graduate work.

How wrong I was man. But, life moves on and you do your own thing right? It’s interesting, as I start to clear out the stuff from that business I realize at times how much I’ve made horrific decisions and been completely fine, or like in that case, I’ve made decisions and they’ve blown up in my face. I have been reading this great book about remarkably a woman that spend a lot of time stripping, and it made me feel like that to a certain extent. Going down to the core of what makes me a woman, and breaking myself up. It was weird because not unlike stripping, all I was thinking about was the money. It didn’t make sense.

So, life moves on. Or it doesn’t. It’s funny, everything is in limbo because of this crazy proposal. My wedding planning, me getting finished with school, moving, everything. It’s on hold for one paper that I feel like to a certain extent I’ve been pouring my soul into. It’s still not right. It’s almost as if the pressure is getting to me.

An Update of Sorts Part II…or Three…or whatever it is.

So, I will admit in the past two weeks I have been bad with updating. Things have been hectic, crazy, and busy, but delightfully so. I am currently in the process of finishing my research proposal and although I really wish that it could be done sooner rather than later, I’m back at the bench fixing all the problems that were created because I took sometime to write.

A bit of good news and words on everything that’s been going on in the media, life, etc.

My 5th anniversary came and went with some fantastic news. I went out to Chicago, we had a great weekend me and my hunny, and we got engaged. I was SHOCKED. Like blown away surprised, ecstatic actually. It was a night to remember and I am forever grateful to my sweetie for giving it to me. That being said, there’s currently no plans in the works for the wedding as I’m in the midst of proposal planning above.

Okay, so a few current events:
Ann Coulter can suck it for all I care, I don’t really like the woman. She was on Good Morning America today talking about the Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor. I gotta tell you despite your political affiliation, it’s interesting to watch that stuff because between her and James Carville, well I have to tell you that the Southern gentleman of James Carville wins out everytime for me. Sotomayor’s nomination is only a day old and people are already giving her the nod like it doesn’t have to go through a process. I’m all for Obama, I think he’s doing a decent job, but cmon. I’m applauding his choice, but something seems fishy to me.

Onto yes your favorite family and mine…
Jon and Kate Plus 8 premiered their 5th season this Monday, and then rebroadcasted again last night. I was grateful that my girl Missy called because if that isn’t a train wreck I don’t know what is. I’ll admit it, I used to watch the show. The kids are cute, and it’s an interesting look at people trying to take care of sextuplets as well as two twin girls. Now, initially, it really was interesting, a good perspective, they aren’t that far north of me being in Bucks County, PA. After all the media hype of Jon’s alleged affair and how they are starting to pull apart….well it’s just sad. I’m a huge fan of reality TV but then there’s train wreck TV. From reports that I’ve read, there was visual hostility that instead of sitting in their favorite loveseat together, they were barely touching barely looking.

Kate, you’re my age. I know it’s a different lifestyle, you’re trying to take care of your family, your kids, your husband. But, other than your hairstyle, which isn’t terrible, you’ve got to give it up. Perhaps it’s time to walk away from TLC. Now, I know what you’re thinking. The Duggars have a very successful show, why can’t we?

You have your successful show. I hope that you guys have enough money at this point to at least attempt to start a nice college fund for the girls and the sextuplets, but for now…you’ve got to work on your marriage.

Just an outsider looking in. Oh, and on that note…shame on you TLC. Shame on you.

Meanwhile, a report out of Tampa Bay said that a suburban couple was arrested today of multiple counts of possession with the intention to distribute illegal steroids and the district is still ringing. The couple implicated both the Washington Capitals and Nationals in the bust, saying they had sold to key players on both teams. Now, let’s be honest. With the worst record in the Major Leagues right now…is anyone really worried about the Nationals and if they took steroids? Which I’ve got to admit, I highly doubt given their stupendous record. But, yup you guessed it…why the only team that has won in DC in a long time do you go after the beloved Caps?

Dick Patrick, president of the Washington Capitals came out vehemently against the allegation. I’m sure Ted Leonsis will do the same. I’m confident…for now. I’ve been disappointed before.

Helio Castroneves won the Indianapolis 500 the other day right after coming out from under accusations of alleged tax fraud charges. He was so happy he cried. His sister, mother, the entire family in tears. Danica Patrick finished 3rd.

Guess that’s it from here at home. I’ll be in and out for a while, I’ve been doing my best to stay sane. I’ll keep ya’ll updated.

Tales of a Wannabe Graduate School Dropout: I at this point wonder…

How I’m slowly but surely losing my faith in humanity. So, just to catch people up:

I’m officially done the “testing” part of my “testing” in my dissertation. But, there’s a catch. My advisor decided that he didn’t want to “retest” me, and decided instead to use my research proposal as my “test”. This has put entirely way too much weight on this proposal and I’m basically getting and shelling out nothing but grief. I’ve got to hand it to myself, I’m freaking out over this way more than the concept of just taking an oral exam.

I recognize as an adult I can totally walk away from this and be totally fine, but given the fact that I’ve chased this forensic science dream for so long, and for so hard, the idea of walking away from it at square zero and starting all over again…well, it’s annoying as crap.

I also wonder how my other students get by with all the crap. I’ve got to tell ya, I don’t teach, have been lucky to be on a research assistantship the entire time, and although I have had huge issues with money, and at this point spend way too much on commas…well, I have colleagues in the department that I work in and they teach, have research issues just like I do, have personal issues and other things just like I do, and they’re fine. They also have not one, not two, but three oral exams all at once. I think if they knew it was coming, it wouldn’t be so bad.

It’s hard to say. All I know is that I’m now at the point that not only do I have a short temper, but I’m also starting to figure a couple things out. I’m now at the point that I feel like I’ve been there too long, and I’m overly aggressive towards my work. I’m glad that people are graduating around me, as they are getting their own stuff done…but I would really like to be amongst them, whether they are ahead of the average or not.
I feel like to a certain extent, when I get to the point where I truly hate it…like passionately hate it, I’ll go. Regardless of my bf being in the midwest, for us struggling through a long distance relationship.

It’s odd…for once. In almost 33 years….it’s about me.

Odd hmm??

I could ramble on and on…

So, it’s been about two or some odd weeks before I had a chance to sit down and throw some info down here about what’s been going on. I’ve been super busy and it doesn’t look to finish anytime soon, but I figured that I would throw some information up and let the cards fall where they may.
Speaking of cards…X-Men Origins: Wolverine is due out May 1st, and although I have always been a fan of the X-Men series, I’m SUPER excited that my favorite mutant, Gambit is coming out to play for the 1st time in the X-Men movies. It actually is going to be good next couple weeks for movies. The original cast is back for Fast and Furious and from what I’ve heard of the soundtrack I’m blissfully happy about it. Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, the cars…man the cars alone would have me waiting for tickets for this movie. State of Play also looks like it’s going to be a thrilling movie. Of course this summer we’re also waiting on Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince for which of course I’m grateful and can’t WAIT to see. I saw Watchmen when I was in Chicago for my conference and I’ve got to say that seeing things in the IMAX is the way to see a movie, ESPECIALLY a movie like that. It was good but if you’re anticipating a movie that is a normal super hero movie, you will be grossly disappointed.

Life as a graduate student will hopefully mellow out slightly in June. So, when I initially took my comprehensive exam in August last year, I didn’t pass all of the exam. I passed some but not all. So, I have taken WAY too long to deal with this, and now I have one more exam to take, as I took my 4th (out of 5) on Friday. So, if the exam I took on Friday comes out, I’ll take this last exam. To say I’m nervous is an understatement. I’m tired of doing these tests though. It will be nice one way to come out in the wash.

I have had a hard time with people as of recent. I think it’s hard for me to read people, and I try really hard not to let people hurt my feelings, and in the meantime, hurt others. I don’t like that. I don’t like thinking that about people. But, here’s the thing. If I’m calling you on something, one of two things is happening. Either 1. You did it, and you don’t like being called out. or 2. I genuinely hurt your feelings. But, I’ve got to ask the few readers I have out there…if I legit apologize, isn’t that enough? I figure that I’m not the type to hold grudges, I have a tendency to either forget about it, or just to write you off. I will admit it, it’s either one or the other for me. But, if you legit apologize, that I’ll take what you said, say okay we’re cool and move on.

Why is it that no one thinks the way I do? *sigh* Maybe it’s just me.

Oh, and a last bit news bit here. The Mt. Dew Action Sports Tour announced their new dates for the 2009 tour, and I just have to air my disappointment here. As a skateboarding fan, I was blissfully happy that the Dew Tour will make a stop in Grant Park in Chicago…conveniently to boyfriend’s house right? Too bad it’s not going to be the skateboarders!!! It’s not going to be any skateboarding in the 2nd city…no no…they’re going to Boston.

What’s going on people???? I recognize that the boarding community got screwed here in Baltimore for the beloved Orioles that haven’t gotten out of the basement of the AL east in a long time, but I mean hey…at least if you’re going to build a park, you’re going to build a half-pipe, throw the event all at the same time please????

Catching Up…

So, with another test looming within a week now, I’ve got to admit that I’ve been avoiding people online. Nothing against my few readers that I have, just that it’s now come to make or break time and so when it comes down to it, that’s where I’ll be.

A bit of a catch up though:
1. Chicago was awesome and sucky all at the same time. P and I did squabble a bit, I think he talks a bit of talk about how things haven’t changed, but it has changed. It’s like we moved out on one another and now we’re trying to rebuild the relationship. On the upswing, I saw S (see my old post about Portland) and it was good! P and S met, and things went okay, it was a bit awkward, because S made it really clear that he didn’t anticipate P to be well…P. P made it very clear that S was much louder than he anticipated. I think that it was such a shake up to P’s daily routine, that it sort of thrown him off guard.
2. Work has come to a head. I’ve quit writing online, largely on the orange bubble land due to the plethora of drama that seems to sit there, as well as I have a tendency to sit on there and like sit there. All day, and completely forget about work, and everything else. So, what ends up happening now? Occasionally I hop on the orange bubble land, goof off, don’t say much, and then get off. It’s nice. The bad part about not having that distraction is that I’m a really boring person. Perhaps not such a bad thing.
3. Spring is wonderful and sucky at the same time. I have been hiding out in my crappy little ghetto apartment due to the fact that when I go outside my nose will not stop running. I don’t quite understand it. It’s frustrating, this is my favorite time of the year next to summer, but it’s frustrating at the same time. It was funny, my doc called the other day and told me that I have a vitamin D deficiency, and I basically giggled. No kidding…it’s winter time.

That’s about it for now. I’ve been in and out for a while, results will be reported!!!

The Holiday Weekend Revisited ~ The Art of the LDR Continued

As my exhaustive weekend in points west finished up, I must admit that certain realizations allowed me to continue on with my thoughts about how long distance relationships need so much work.

I spent the last couple days with the bf’s family. Who I’m rather used to. Although his father and sister have a tendency just not to think…they sometimes say rather mean things. Meanwhile, it wasn’t so bad. I thought it was weird that his sister didn’t stay at home with her parents but I started wondering if it was because of her dog. Their parents aren’t too keen on animals, so they said that they wouldn’t allow her to have the dog at their house.

Go figure hm?

I find myself getting sad and depressing when I came home. It’s depressing to come back to a place where he’s not at. It was hard this weekend, because I felt the need to share him. It’s hard for me being so far away from him to have to share him. We couldn’t be intimate at all, because we felt like we couldn’t avoid his family. His father says the same thing over and over, and it’s hard because they felt like it was really awkward with me there.

I hate that. I tried really hard when this relationship went long distance to not change the relationship. I didn’t change how I felt about him, he didn’t about me, and it was that we talked everyday, and we talked more and more about what we were going to do with our future, and not necessarily about our families.

Speaking of which, I worry that my family didn’t have a great respective thanksgiving. My aunt, one of the most special people in my life has had a bad diagnosis, so I worry how she’s dealing with that. My bil just recently lost his sister in a violent manner, I worry that his family made this holiday less than festive. My sis has never been all that vocal in how his family treats her, but I know that it’s not as great as it should be. I guess that’s how in-laws are though.

So, the bf family is still awkward, but we did okay and we saw both Twilight and Quantum of Solace. There’s a whole other plot line, but I must admit that the thought of the Bond series ending did come to my mind. It was so good to see my bf. It was nice after 3 weeks, that we’re now feeling like we’re almost going to be seeing each other too much, I’ll be back there in 2 weeks, and then he’ll be back here for 2 weeks for Christmas.

This time of year is so boisterous and scary and busy. I hope everyone else is just as busy as me!

A Post that wasn’t meant to be…

So, I initially was going to write about my current ongoing obsession of the Twilight movie that’s coming out, but today was a bit of a shock to me. I initially was going to write how crazy people can be.

One of my girls got hit by a car today. Thankfully, she’s fine, but I’m sure it scared her shitless. Scared me! I felt bad that she was by herself. That’s all. She went to the hospital, and the shoutout went out that something happened, I think it scared us all a little bit. But, it made me happy that she was okay, and is now resting comfortably. As shaken I was by the incident that might not have been, I must admit when I ordered take out from a great place that is here in Baltimore, they didn’t give me a total over the phone. So, I figured that $20 would be worth it. Well, it was $20.75, and the guy was so nice he said, “Don’t worry about it.” Didn’t take a tip or anything.

I felt terrible and wildly proud of my city and the area I’m from more than anything.

So, thank goodness M I’m glad you’re okay. What a day!

Everyday

You know I’ve started figuring out that because I write this stuff everyday.

I’m terribly critical. Of like…everyone. I have this thing, I hate having my time wasted. It makes me nuts. I spend my time being exhausted because I’ve got so much to do, and not enough time to do it.
It was good today, because we had this talk today, as well as having a couple meetings. I’m excited for what’s left to come…

…I just hope my body will keep up with me.

Yes, Yes: Two Post Day

A bad foot day sprung upon me yesterday, and due to that, you will receive a grand total of two posts today due to my ever changing need to appeal to my slim or not reading audience. The UMBC Doctoral Recognition Ceremony was last night and I acted as paparazzi for the group. Let me tell you, it’s so interesting when you look at other cultures, as to why this stuff is only important to us americante’s.  This ceremony was predominantly a pat on the back to those in the department that had made the step from being the pre-doctoral to doctoral candidate.  It’s a test that needs to be taken. I’ll admit that I’ve taken it, and need to complete a few re-writes so that my conditional pass will become a full pass.

Bummer I know.

I had this whole idea last night, and in true mel fashion what did I do? You guessed it, fell asleep after eating a salad dinner. At least I’m losing weight due to my lack of finances, I guess that’s better than the gym. (I’m kidding, honest.)  I haven’t actually cooked a meal at my house this week, and I have a feeling that the trend will continue as my boyfriend will be in town this weekend.  The more and more I spend time without him, the more and more I realize that we might actually be able to pull this off. We had it out the other night because he didn’t remember that I was going to be in the paper (see my 30 Daze entry) because he had more “important” things on his mind.

I gotta say men amuse the living crap out of me sometimes. I’ve always been amused, my poor bf, his explanation is:

“Well I don’t keep track of your schedule.”

I had only talked about the situation since the reporter got a hold of me.  I said to him, “Look, I am not interested in theoretical physics, and I ask constantly about it. I hate ultimate frisbee, and I hang with those guys and go watch you play, I hate board gaming, ask about it all the time. I don’t ask you to be interested in chemistry, to be interested in law, forensics, I don’t really care if you don’t like any of that. I had been talking about being in the paper for a WEEK. It’s coming out on election day, I asked you to pay attention to ONE thing.”

He held firm till the next day. I said, “Well, at least you realized for ONCE you were wrong.”

It’s amazing that there are times that I think that we’re not going to make it through this long distance thing. That I’m ready to kill him because I just can’t take his laissez-faire attitude about my life and his existence in it. To him, he’s not involved with me during the week. Yet he calls EVERY day, and we talk a lot.  He doesn’t understand why I don’t feel the same way.  I don’t get it.

Meanwhile, on the family front:

Ma’s feeling better, thankfully she’s starting to emerge back into her old self. We talked briefly about it and she said that she just didn’t want me to see her in such pain. I was like “Ma, it would have been like the Terms of Endearment moment” she started laughing. I sware, I think that there are times that my family (yes K, sorry you’re included in this) truly underestimate what I can do domestically. I am so willing to step in because I want to make sure that they realize that I’m a firm part of this family and I will be there. Regardless.  I am doing my best to watch over my sis while still taking as good a care of myself as I can.

I need to send the word out that I need christmas lists early this year. *sigh* I think that’s the only way I’m going to get it all done.

Work continues to be…work.

I’ll be scribbling later my post that I meant to write last night.